A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im scared i will be alone for a long time. It has been over a year since my ex (my first love) and I broke up and he has a new girlfriend. I guess they aren't so great together though since they break up often. I feel like I will be alone for a long time sometimes. I hate feeling so alone and unhappy. And it is like my ex has met someone else no problem. It makes me feel so insecure. I find myself to be attractive and have been told I am but it doesn't help at all with my fear. Everyone says I will meet someone and I am ridiculous to worry about it. I've dated a few guys since my ex and none of them were even close to serious. I know this sounds stupid but it is an honest fear. It scares me and makes me think I am still in love with my first love. Then I tell myself I'm not in love with him, just in love with being in love, if that makes sense? I miss being in love, not him. Also I feel alone in general. I don't have friends outside of work and no one to really go out with. This makes me extremely depressed and I am down quite often. Even when I did have friends and hung out with all of the time I still missed my ex, or being in love and having that certain someone, whichever. I get so jealous of other girls talking about their boyfriends all of the time and I don't want to be like this. I know I don't need a guy but sometimes I get so lonely. I want someone to love and care for me. Can someone just reassure me? Maybe tell me stories of how you met your current boyfriend or husband as I am unsure I can meet someone outside of work. I don't know if anyone even understood what I'm saying or asking. Thank you so much for any advice.
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male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (3 May 2008):
I really do understand! This is part of the drama of life and we all deal with it to a greater or lesser extent. It's part of being human. I truly believe it is much easier for girls, though I have only seen it from the other side. My simple suggestions: Keep yourself in shape, though not obsessively, find time to go and hang out in a coffee shop or bookstore, or anywhere else you are comfortable, and relax and enjoy the space. Dress like you care, but not excessively. If you see a guy you might like, smile and look directly at him. He may come over and talk to you, or you might come up with an excuse to talk to him, if you are feeling daring. Just say hi! It's much harder for guys, since we must generally be the "aggressor", and we are expected to look and act confident and fun.
Trust me, you WILL find someone, and it won't take forever at all. You can enjoy your time doing whatever you normally do in public places, and you will be attractive and attracting. Now all I need to do is find someone for myself:-). Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008): I know the feeling hun dont worry bout it as time goes on youl gradually forget, your 1st is always the hardest, for guys and girls, you will meet someone elese,i promise, youl be ok dont worry, im in exactly the same place 9 months from her (my 1st love) and i still think bout her from time to time, but as it goes on it will get better, hope this helps hun x o x
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