A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been going for two years strong, until a few months ago when we found out that I was pregnant. Ever since I told him he has been very distant towards me, flirting with other girls, focussing souly on his looks and nightclubs, and barely even bothering to give me a phone call. A few weeks ago I had to move nearly two hours away from him because my father was being abusive towards me again and I did not want to put my baby at risk.I have been here for three weeks now and he calls me every other day if I'm lucky and does not stay for long, he usually says after five minutes, I'm tired I'm going to sleep, because he calls me very late at night when he rarely does call. He does not even ask how I am feeling, how the baby is doing, or anything showing he cares. Lately he has been saying he wants to meet new people, and all the new people he wants to meet are females that fit his standards in dating. He also constantly talks to his ex- girlfriends who have been trying to break us up since we started dating. I used to be all over his myspace, with pictures and sweet colums, but he took them all down, now not even stating that he is in a relationship, and that is where he flirts with the most girls. We use to have a love that was so strong, we have been through more together in only two years than most couples do in a lifetime. Even though I live far I still make an attempt to see him every weekend, and now that I have a car I can easily, but I don't know if I should even bother because I do not want to be the only one trying to continue this relationship.He has a best friend who I used to also be friends with but i refuse to be now because he is a lowlife scum who does nothing but sit around all day and do drugs, no job, no car, no money, still living in his parents basement. My boyfriend practically worships this kid and it bothers me, this kid constantly tells my boyfriend I am not good enough for him, that I am lying about the pregnancy, even though my boyfriend was shown proof, and makes up all these lies about me which are completely untrue. He hates me because I refuse to even speak to him because he screwed me over twice and I refuse to give him a third chance and also I do not want a person like that in my child's life. My boyfriend gets mad at me because I do not talk to this kid.Another girl recently was talking to me, telling me how I am going to be a horrible mother, how my boyfriend does not care about me at all, saying he is going to get up and leave without a word as soon as the baby is born, and saying my boyfriend has been calling her every night instead of me, this is when I did not hear from him for two days. I knew most of it was not true but I did believe that he was calling her until he denied it sincerely and even gave me an alliby that would not lie to me. What hurts me is he never said anything to this girl about it, he still talks to her and acts like their best friends even though she has been trying to steal him away. I feel like ever since he found out he was going to be a father he has been rebelling against me and completely losing interest, looking for a new girlfriend that he does not have to hold any responsibility with, because I have been down his neck about getting a job while he doesnt even look for one, I have to fill his applications out for him not just for him but also our child. I do so much for him, within two days I spent around 500 dollars on him, which I completely regret now, for his birthday. He has just been making it seem like everything and everyone else is so much more important to him than I am. What do I do? I am terrified to lose him, I am so in love with him and I do not want to lose him one bit. But he has been treating everyone else like gold and he has been treating me like crap, when I am the one who has always been there for him, when I am the one who is so much more emotional because of the pregnancy, I give him nothing but love and get negativity in return. I know he will not leave as soon as our child is born because he is not that kind of person, he is excited to have a kid but also scared at the same time, which is how everyone is when they are to be new parents. I just do not know what to do anymore.. why has he been like this towards me lately? It has been all about his needs because "the baby buisness is so hard on me" yet nothing about mine, who is caring the child, who is throwing up everyday, who has been toppling over in pain every hour from it. I am so scared the major stress he has been causing me is going to kill my baby. How do i make him stop doing these things? How do I fix this relationship? Please help me, I do not know who else to ask or what else to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe cried when he found out and at first wanted me to abort it. I told him if he came up with the money then I would even though I HATE the idea of abortions. But it is not only up to me it is up to the both of us and I felt that if he felt that strongly against it then I cannot force it onto him, but he did not get the money in time and he has been beginning to accept it at times, other times he starts to freak out on me randomly because of it, he talks about how he is excited to be a father and all the plans he has with our child then the next day he constantly insists on putting it up for adoption, which I have a couple who are willing to have an open adoption that I spoke to just incase I cannot keep the baby financially.
He keeps insisting we are not ready but I am ready, I have a steady job, a car, and enough money for the first few months of rent for an apartment but I am waiting to save up more money so I know that I will not have to leave as soon as I move in. It is him who is not ready because he is not willing to grow up because of the people that surround him.
When him and I lived together he was beginning to make a lot of progress, he began to grow up a lot, but he has a personality where he will begin to act like whoever he is around to much and become them. He is becoming the friend of his that I mentioned that is nothing but a low life, because he has been around him too much.
When him and I are together in person he does start to shape up, but after a few days of me not being around he turns right back into what he was, continues with not calling me, continues flirting with other girls, etc.
I want to help him help himself but he is not willing. I want him in our child's life, I do not want my child having the same life I had, I want the best for my child.
He is bipolar which explains some of why he has been acting like this, but not completely. I haven't an idea of what to do with him honestly. He is the most confusing person I have ever met, and I know a lot of people.
A
male
reader, james675  +, writes (8 February 2010):
Silly question perhaps but I take it that when you discussed the pregnancy with him he wanted to keep the child?
I'm sure this is the case but I feel I had to ask since your post makes no reference of such a discussion with him.
If he said that he wanted to keep the child and be a father then I would put this down as nerves.
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A
female
reader, mlm2007 +, writes (8 February 2010):
Honey, you just described the relationship between me and my ex. Your boyfriend is immature, and he isn't going to grow up. If you have to fill out his apps for him, then you might as well go to work for him too, because he isn't going to. Men like this can't handle responsibility and don't deserve a beautiful woman, like yourself, or a beautiful child, like yours. My advice to you is drop him and forget him. You want positive role models in your childs life, not losers. Trust me, if you stay with him then down the road you'll regret it. It'll be tough at first, but you have to think of your baby.
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