A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm going through a lot lately, but the easiest thing to write about is this really close friend of mine. I have this guy friend, who has had this crush on me since forever. I never really thought about it much, but he is starting to get scary and weird. I guess he just gets this way some times. He left this note book thing open on his computer, and it was saying all this creepy stuff about me. And now he is starting to get jealous over my girl friends. He keeps asking where I'm going and who with and seriously gets upset if i don't invite him out with me every where I go. One night he kept trying to tackle me and he kept putting his hands up my shirt.He is my husband's best friend, and it seems like my husband never takes my side on things. I tell him I'm starting to feel creep out by him and that he has crossed the line with me on a few times. All my husband says is "I can be jealous, and if I ever felt it was overboard I would step in." But why doesn't my husband do anything now, that I'm saying I have a bad feeling about it? And what am I suppose to do about my friend? I feel violated, and not for the first time, and I usually just cut those people out of my life, but my husband won't let him go. It makes me feel like my husband doesn't care about me, and I'm worried about this guy friend. I feel like I'm being stupid and just letting this stalker into my life.Ok i guess what my real question is, Since is seems like my husband isn't going to step in, what am I suppose to do about this guy? We have been friends for a long time, but now i don't want him around. I am at a complete loss.
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female
reader, sexseahot +, writes (13 June 2008):
 This sounds exactly like something MY friend is going through. It's gotta be hard to have your husband take his best friend's side instead of his own wife's. Have you let him know about the friend trying to put his hand up your shirt? If that doesn't get a reaction out of him, then what is it going to take for him to realize that you are getting violated by HIS friend? Maybe you could let you're "friend" know that you are uncomfortable with the way he is treating you and if things don't change, you will not welcoming him to your house anymore and if your husband wants to ever see him, then he can go over to his friends house to spend time with him. You gotta do what it takes if your friend isn't going to act appropriately towards you.
I hope things work out for you and your "friend" wises up!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni did confront my friend, that is when he tried to put his hand up my shirt, when I told him to back off. And I have brought it up to my husband many times, and I have asked why he didn't do anything even on that particular event, and he just ignores me.
I didn't really choose him as a friend. He has been my husbands best friend for a long time. They have know each other since they were kids. We all used to be room mates before the two of us were married. He's kind of always been the third wheel in the relationship.
My husband recently left for war, and while he was gone this friend of ours started getting possessive and jealous over everything i do. Now my husband is home and I thought things were going to be ok, but I don't know. I've recently found out he was going through my personal journal thing. I feel so mad and violated and now completely helpless.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): Your husband is taking a rather self-centered view on this. So great, HE isn't jealous, but what about YOUR feelings. You feel threatened, you need him to help protect you! If you haven't expressed things this bluntly, you need to. Your husband may feel flattered that he has an attractive wife who's faithful to him-- but his vanity should take second place to your comfort and safety. Did you tell your husband that his friends tried to put his hands up your shirt?? If you did and he STILL didn't respond, maybe it's time to talk to some other friends or family.
As for his scary friend, I agree with Country Woman that you need to have this out with him. In front of a witness, ask him to leave you ALONE! He hasn't been taking your feelings into consideration either, why should you worry about his?
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 I think the thing to do is to confront this friend in front of your husband and say to him that he either stops making you feel uncomfortable or he can just remain your husband's friend and that is it as far as you are concerned.
In doing it in front of your husband you are not hiding anything and also you have your husband there to give you moral support if this guy acts weirdly at all towards you.
Try to not allow yourself to be left alone with this friend and make sure you don't let him in your home if your husband is out. Either that or make sure you have a female friend around you. If it comes to a head and he says why are you being like this tell him upfront that you don't appreciate being touched up as this is only something you allow between yourself and your husband and NO ONE else.
Perhaps in confronting him in front of your husband then your husband will realise how much this is bothering you and start to take you seriously and if you say enough is enough he may take a different point of view on this whole situation.
You also say you are going through a lot lately, are you feeling very vunerable right now and is any of this behaviour being magnified by what you are dealing with? I am not saying you are overreacting but perhaps you are feeling more alone because of this and perhaps you need to explain a bit more to your husband about what you are experiencing right now so that you get the support you need. Perhaps talk to family members as well as friends so that your male friend can see that he is not the only person in your life and that you are more than capable of handling things without him.
Keep us posted eh.
BFN
Sharon
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