A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a difficult time dealing with my husband's impotence. Interestingly, it wasn't a major problem until he went to the GP about it.We've been married over 8 years and we are both terrific people and terrific parents. We were good friends before we married and we are still each other's best friend. We usually can talk about stuff--sure it is a little hard to get going but we do talk almost everything through.He is certain his problem (ED and low libido) are caused by a drug he takes. The GP changed the drug and in a week or so we may see things return to normal. When we were first married he also had some performance anxiety problems and now the two are so tightly wound I'm worried things will never be right.In the meantime, almost all intimacy has shut down. He feels like a failure and so do I. While we still kiss and cuddle some, touching is strictly forbidden. He's afraid I will be turned on and he won't be able to do anything about it. Or that he will somehow get turned on and things will go south in the middle.Intellectually, Im so ok with this. Ive done a lot of reading, armed myself with knowledge and understanding. I say all the right supportive things and I don't push.But Im emotionally a basket case. He is my third husband and the third man to stop being able to have intercourse with me. It's hard to not make a connection there--and that connection being me. I lock myself up in my home office and cry for hours on end. I've also started cutting myself again--something I haven't done since I was a teenager.Im already on lots of antidepressants--partly for depression and partly for chronic pain. Ive had therapy, I know what I should be doing and how I should be feeling--I just can't get there.I think what hurts the most--really makes my chest hurt when I think about it--is that I feel he doesn't want me to touch him and that he doesn't want to touch me. I would be so happy if we would just play with lots of kisses for 15 minutes. I don't need intercourse. Right now I couldn't enjoy it even if he were raring to go. I've convinced myself we are never going to be intimate in any way ever again and I'm mourning.I would really really like some positive thoughts from men who have been through this and women who have found a way to cope. I'm a hairs breath away from sleeping on the couch because it hurts so badly to be close to him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks bud and satin--
regarding PIV--that's all we've ever done except when intercourse failed. He doesn't have the drive to even let me touch HIM let alone for him to touch me. I would be delighted just to fall asleep in his arms at night.
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