A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am very confused. Something like this happened to me for a first time. I dated a guy for about one month and then we met on Sunday evening for dinner and then ended having sex at his place. As tomorrow was Monday and we live in about an hour apart, I left basically after sex and a bit of cuddling in bed. Guy asked me several times to stay the night but I really had a busy Monday at work and was thinking I need to have a good sleep, so I explained it to him that I need to go home as I need to get up early and get ready for work. So then weird things happened, he texted me if I managed to get home alright and we wished each other good night with kisses. And then he disappeared. He didnt reach for about a week, I was left in limbo but decided to message him and check whats going on. So i sent him a neutral message askign how he is doing and if he is alright, as I haven't heard from him for a while I was wondering if anythign happened. He messaged back immediately saying that he will get back to me after work. Then in two hours he just said: hello, I got back from work. I am kinda confused. I dont get it if he doesnt want to continue seeing me or hurt or what.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2022): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe dated a month. Since when it is quick? We are adults in our 30ies/40ies. I dont see a point to wait for 3 months only to find out there is no chemistry or he is small or anything else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2022): Some girls are quick to have sex with a guy they do not know well because they think it is the way to his heart, the truly believe that once he has had sex with them that proves he is their partner, their other half, he now belongs to them. It never occurs to them that to the guy it is just a bit of fun, just a release, just using you to masturbate in. More fun than using his right hand. And of course the guy is not going to think about you seriously after, he sees you as easy meat, thinks you have done it with loads of other guys, either desperate or too eager to please, not all there. If you then contact them after even more so. Why chase after him? It is up to him to come to you and ask you out. Not just want you for sex. You find out if a guy is worth the bother first, you get to know if he has enough good points, if he is nice, if he is respectful and if he is seeking something serious before you have sex.
To this guy it was just sex. It could have been with anyone. But because you were so quick and then chased after him he thinks even less of you.
You need to learn to respect yourself and look before you leap.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (8 June 2022):
 I don't think I would be investing to much time and energy into this relationship, which quite frankly is still very much in its infancy, and you really know nothing about him at all.
There are a lot of maybe's here, maybe he is just a bad texter or caller. Maybe he got what he wanted when you had sex with him and now has gone cold.
It's only been a month, i would just put this down to experience, a learning curve and move on. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, if we learn from past experiences we know not to do that again in subsequent relationships.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 June 2022):
 I would move on.
|Either he is playing some "wait and see" game or he isn't as keen on you as you had hoped or he thinks you aren't as keen as you went home after sex. It's hard to guess.
You can't read his mind, he can't read yours. You have only been dating for one month so you (honestly) BARELY know each other.
If it was me, I would chalk this up to a "had sex too soon" and move on. Someone who can't bother to call (not even text) for a whole week is just not someone I'd see as a potential partner.
While I feel it was FINE of him to say: "hey, I'll get back to you after work" but then text like you are some kind of total stranger and not someone he he dined with and had sex with a week ago.
Before the sex was a decent texter? Caller?
If he was then I'd just move on.
If he wasn't, then maybe that is the kind of guy he is?
It just doesn't sound like a man who is all that interested in investing more time or effort here.
And I would DEFINITELY wait more than a month with the NEXT guy you date before sexy-time.
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