A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:The last 6 months of my life have completely revolved around a boy who I was seeing who has recently dumped me. Now I feel like everything is pointless. I just can't imagine ever liking someone as much as him and it took me so long to find him. I have lost intrest in going out or any of the things that used to appeal to me because it all seems like a waste of time without him. Im 28 and do not meet single men that easily. I'm worried that I'll never find anyone again, help! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responce, its always nice to get advice from people who are a bit more sane then me!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): I do sympathise with you. Break-ups aren't easy but please note you are still mourning and healing, dear.. You may feel confused right now, but when you are ready you can move on and find what you truely want. It takes time.You say you can't imagine liking anyone as much as this guy. Sure, you have had some great times with him but they are now in the past. This is fresh, you will be clinging to what was once good but no longer is there. No doubt there's a lot of pleasure to be had in those old memories but the hope that things with him could be good again. This is normal and all part of the grieving process. Just remember that by holding on, too long...is only causing you to experience a great deal of pain? Is it realistic to hand this guy who's walked away-- all responsibility for your life and your feelings? No--that is your responsibility. To make your life happy--not to think others can do that for you. What you might choose to do is to take the positive messages from all this and act on them. You are obviously attractive and good company or you wouldn't have been able to get this guy in the first place. You're intelligent, faithful and loving just the qualities many guys are seeking in their gf's. If you can get one guy, you can get another. You'll just go into the next relationship, wiser and more life skilled. It's a process and we have all been there. Give yourself time to heal and in a few weeks, months (we don't know), you will feel better and you will get back into the dating world again.
Good luck and take care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, sickandtired  +, writes (9 April 2008):
Hi,
I couldnt help but relate to your email..I'm 47 so have been through what you have many times. I think its really really important to just find ways to force yourself to be happy with your own life, the little things you do and the things that make you feel cozy and good.. Its really hard to do then when you're feeling the grief of a lost relationship but you just have to try as hard as you can to make it happen. Sometimes, remembering anything painful about the relationship, and thinking about how it would have negatively impacted your life if you'd stayed with this guy, will give you some comfort that the right thing has happened. As far as thinking someone new wont come along, I totally get that. You just have to keep the faith that it will...and if you get happy and busy with life, it will happen sooner than you think. take care!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): Feeling the blues can prevent you from finding someone new.
Feeling the blues after a breakup is also normal. Understanding why it happen, helps one healing from it. Understanding your needs, what makes you feel good and bad, and why that is, helps you help another to fill the void.
I urge you to do again those things you like doing to help cheer you up and to bring you back to the person you are, then, someone may notice the true you and want to know more.
When you least expect it, you'll find someone, best to be prepared then caught off guard.
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