A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Currently my boyfriend is away visiting his mother's side of the family who has never treated him right to the point of severe psychological trauma and constant hospitalizations.His grandma on his father side basically raised him more than his own mother and he is extremely close to her. She objects to this trip, telling him in front of me, that if he's so much as being mistreated even a tiny bit, she'll buy him a a plane ticket home (around 200$) and I noticed she has been crying that day because she was worried about him. He personally didn't want to go either but also, felt responsible for making sure his little sister wasn't making the long 16 hour drive alone. I won't go into detail but basically, since he's arrived, they've been taking advantage of him. He's not being treated as a guest. Housework, chores, dog sitting, yard work has all been left for him to do while they've been going out to events and what not. He is emotionally drained as well as physically every time I call him but he says he would really appreciate it more if I didn't worry about a plane ticket home early and focus more on having faith that he can handle things fine. He's been through worst so this isn't a big deal for him. He also asks me not to tell the grandma when I go to visit her what is happening. I can tell her he's not having a good time which she expects but he doesn't want her worrying. He barely has any money with him on the trip there, and he's always reassuring me that if I'm lonely here without him I know already that I can always talk to him and he'll be here soon. If I keep quiet about how he's being treated, I'll feel as if I betrayed his grandma who's relying on me to tell her how he's doing. I've been worried sick seeing how sad he is. The longer he stays there and keeps quiet about how they're treating him, the more they'll take advantage of him. The mom denied his request for 60$ to help pay for a plane ticket home early. The mom also agreed to take the sister out to movies, get her dog groomed etc. and to help her out with anything she needs to buy. (Saying all of this in front of his face). If I tell his grandma she'll get him a plane ticket right away and I would contribute around 80-100$ to help. (I'm a university student so this is all I have at the moment). He'll however may believe I cannot handle being alone here without him. It'll also be going behind his back and going against what he asked me to do. It'll hurt his pride also because he was counting on me believing he can handle things and is strong enough to. p.s. (On the drive back, the little sister's boyfriend will be accompanying her so she won't be alone for that trip. Also, their trip got extended from two weeks, to two and a half weeks to now over a month and may be extended even further.)I'm really lost as to what would be the right thing to do for someone I care so deeply about. I would like to further add that we have been apart for over 4 months because I was overseas and we were able to handle being apart just fine. It was hard but it wasn't unbearable. I don't want him to think I cannot be independent here by myself even though I am quite fine and have been spending more time with friends.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (20 June 2014):
 Your boyfriend "sounds" to me like someone who is sitting on the sidelines of life and waiting for good things to happen to him..... things UNLIKE all the "things" that have happened to him up 'til now.....
Isn't it time that he become - and act like - an adult? YOU can't do that for him.....
Good luck...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2014): OP him staying there to prove something to you is bullshit and you know it. Don't worry about that, that's easily gotten around by using the out he gave you and simply telling him that you want him to come back because you miss him.
I mean come on 4 months apart shows you're both able to handle being apart, there's nothing to prove in that respect and telling him that you'd really love to spend time with him soon is as good a reason as any to get him to come back.
That said, OP, he's a grown man now and maybe he needs to prove something to himself, maybe part of his mental recovery is being able to deal with them. I don't know him well enough to say but you probably can.
After 18 months being someone's partner you have every right to just say "babe, I'd like you to come back, I miss you and want to spend some time with you, your sister doesn't need you on the trip home, you're not really having a fun time there so why stay when you can be here with me instead?"
This doesn't have to be about some deep serious crap, OP, you can literally just tell your beloved boyfriend you want him home, simply because you want him near you. You don't need a profound reason just want to be around him do you?
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