A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:im finding myself in a trap that i cant get myself out of it. i spilt up with my boyfriend 4 months ago and i know deep down it was the right thing to do, even though he was a lovely man he just didnt want the same things as me and didnt want to settle down for a long time, where as im nearly 30 have a 7 yr old daughter from a previous relationship and would like to have another child and settle down. 1 month after we spilt i was doing ok felt better that i wasnt wasting my life with him anymore. went on a date and he was nice but no more. but now another 3 months on i keep thinking about him!! i went on another date last week and when i was texting the new guy i didnt give my ex a thought cos i was happy getting to know someone knew who poosible wanted the same things, but again he was nice as a friend but know more!! so now again because ive got noone in my life im thinking of him again and its driving me mad!! i was very unhappy in that relationship and very lonely actually as he liked his own space, so its not like im missing out on much, as we hardly did anything or go anywhere!! but i treated him so nice and did everything for him , but obvious he didnt want that!i just think its the company i miss and having a laugh which i did have with him! as long as im busy doing things im ok but the moment im alone i feel so depressed, ive gone to the doctors so hopefully they will kick in soon. 1 weeks after we spilt up he was already looking for someone else on a dating website, and using my photos i took of me and him and cut me out. why do i keep torturing myself? if he would of wanted to be with me he would of fought for me right? 4 months on ive heard nothing!! so im trying to move on and meet men but its so hard!! im a attractive girl,nice blonde hair,slim, got good family values but noone seems to realise this!! my friends say maybe im to pretty and blokes dont approach me because they think im already taken!! and yet im just shouting from inside please someone notice me!! ive resorted to online dating but so far there really isnt anyone who takes my fancy. where the hell do you meet people these days??? its not like i dont have a social life i go and do different things but never come across anyone!!thankyou.
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female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (29 November 2011):
You didnt think of him when you was with someone. If he was right for you you would have thought of him at that time. Just 1 week after breaking up he goes on a dating website. Using those pictures was a slap in the face. Occupy your thoughts elsewhere and get used to being single.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (29 November 2011):
 When you are looking too hard the guys pick up on that. It is time to throw yourself into some other activities that do not revolve around dating.
I found that men approached me when I seemed too busy for a relationship. And I was choosy and certainly only accepted a date on rare occasions when I really felt a spark at the outset.
After my husband died I went back to study. Helped start a babysitting club amongst a group of girls in the neighborhood. We were all young mothers, some happily married, a couple already divorced and the rest single or in my case widowed. With strict rules including the 20:20 rule. If you were 20 hours in debit you could not get babysitting. If you were 20 hours in credit you could not babysit any child until you went out! Went out to all manner of things and places with my child. My child and I enjoyed some intrastate travel after being invited to stay with distant friends. And some interstate travel, but we stayed in inexpensive places.
Attended a very understanding gym where my child and I were allowed to swim together.(today many gyms seem to bar children - but it was a very tiny local gym) Did some part time work. Started a business (don't go there, it was a disaster!!) I got involved in local activities. Helped raise some money to help re-equip a tired local community centre. Read a lot. Occasionally allowed myself some time for hobbies. Spent time with long term girl friends just talking. And accepted invitations from girl friends to attend things they thought would be fun.
A couple of times girl friends set me up with Blind dates which I hated.
Over time I found that men will find you. You don't need to go looking. And men love finding that the woman can look after herself and can get on with her life. And can juggle work and family and leisure.
Just get involved with life in your community. Find ways to develop hobbies you enjoy. Live and love life.
And the Love of your life will walk into your life.
In fact he will not be able to resist you.
Go for real guys every time. Not a picture on the screen.
Best wishes
Abella
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