A
male
age
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*obert W Anderson
writes:I have been married 14 years to the love of my life, and she claims the same is true for her. But in the last couple of years she has been funneling a lot of our money to her sister. She's done this without telling me. Lately it's only one sister, but for a while we had two of her sisters and their family bleeding away or resources.For about a year she and her sister have been involved in a joint venture where about 90% of effort comes from my wife, and 100% of money from that venture goes to the sister. We have had to go bankrupt and lost a car and a home. My wife is exhausting herself and consequently hasn't been doing a very good job in her own profession. All of this has caused a lot of friction between my wife and I. We have been separated twice. She and her two sibling had a very tough life growing up and she has far and away exceeded them with her own accomplishments. She continues to siphon money to her sister and I'm having a tought time dealing with this. She says I don't understand how to relate to sibling since I'm an only child.Am I missing something? Do people flush their own financial stability for a "user".Her sister has been borrowing from others for many years.We don't have any children living at home.
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reader, Robert W Anderson +, writes (26 June 2011):
Robert W Anderson is verified as being by the original poster of the question After reading one response I realize I didn't get into what my sister-in-law was doing with the money.She is in her 40's and is divorced. She has three grown children from her marriage. And at some point after she was divorced she decided to bet artificially inseminated and now has a tween with no SO in her life. She's unemployed and lives like she has an income. She keeps expensive pets and eats out more then I do. She is unbelievably irresponsible with money. For a while she was dating a man that was way to nice a guy, who was also pouring money into her. He was buying her groceries all the time, and taking her and her child out to eat, to movies and other activities. Thank God he came to his senses: I remain friends with him, and I would have been in very bad position of their relationship gone to the next level.And I want to thank those that offered their opinions on this issue so far. Being an only child I had no way of knowing (for sure) if I was being unreasonable. Hey listen I know that sounds stupid, but when your living something like this you start to not trust your own instincts.Thank You all again.
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reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (4 June 2011):
Your wife has no right to take funds that belong to both of you and do anything with it without your agreement, if they are joint finances it takes a joint agreement, it is not her money to give. Not only did she not have your consent, she did not even tell you, this is a huge breach of trust. If it were a small amount it would possibly be less of an issue, but in the context of of you having gone bankrupt and losing a house, the level of betrayal is significant. I would say it is far less emotional than her cheating on you with someone, but the level of betrayal is as significant in my opinion. Her saying that you don't understand because you don't have siblings is a gross manipulation and does not lend any weight to supporting her actions. I have siblings and would do anything for them if needed, but I would have to get my partner's concsent for this, if the finances were joint. If I didn't have my partner's consent, and I absolutely had to give the money, we would either reach an agreement to split the finances and I would give what is mine away, or I would end the relationship if required to do so, but I wouldn't betray my partner by doing what she has done. Your wife may think her heart is in the right place, but her actions are misguided. Her actions may be loving towards her sister, but they are the opposite towards you and she has taken you for granted. She may love you deeply, but she is being selfish in the context of your relationship. It is also your responsibility to yourself, to manage your finances and stand up for yourself. This sounds like it has been happening for a long time, and it does not sound like you have stood your ground. You may have silently given her permission by not putting your foot down and not allowing her to do what she has been doing. She may not have told you, but presumably you have access to your financial records, and it sounds like you either didn't see it happening, or you did think something was strange but let it go. You can't have known what was going on if your wife was keeping it from you, but you could have seen that something was at least going on, and you have to take some responsibility for this, but this does not excuse her actions.
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