A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a guy who's grown up very shy and has recently become single. My shyness is only when it comes to taking things further with a girl- I get on with women, I flirt and am even brave enough to ask for the first date, but when it comes to making the move (kissing, sex) I am hopeless! I struggle to be brave enough! Which means, when I do try, I make a fool of myself and kill the mood. I can't seem to find a balance between not seeming forceful or desperate while saying what my intentions are. I've found the 'hinting' doesn't work.Any tips, or help? I'm not trying it on with girls 10 years my junior/senior here and I'm not a bed hopper, I like to be in a relationship.
View related questions:
flirt, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (8 August 2017):
Shy guy here.
Every girl has it's own pace. Some girls will let you move quickly, others will take a while.
Step 1: Kiss her. Don't kiss her right away, but find a way for kissing her that seems natural or fun. Like "you got some food stuck on your lips" kind of kiss, or any other funny excuse, or "accident"
Step 2: Make out. Kiss her passionately every time you meet her. Get her turned on, let her breathless
Step 3: Make out, and start touching her. You need to gain ground every time you make out, so move little by little until you can get her naked.
Step 4: Profit :)
These steps apply to any girl. If you feel a girl pulls you away on step 3, stop and move even slower. If you kiss her well enough, she will be very turned on to jump into Step 4.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2016): Thanks shy female reader of 29Dec. I know it's who I am and don't want to change, I want to stop it ruining all the opportunities I keep missing!
From OP
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2016): Shyness is a bummer of a thing. I am struck with the same shy gene so I know it's easier said than done but just be yourself. Don't get too worked up about making a first move. Yes, some girls out there will always expect a guy to initiate things and get the ball rolling. But there are also girls out there who will take the lead and make the first move. There's no cure for shyness, it's a part of who you are and what makes you, you. Don't get bogged down by it. Just relax on a date, try read the signs of where it's leading, for example, is there eye contact a lot, laughing, arm touching. All these little things will surely let you know. And a first move can simply be you give her a hug and a peck on the cheek or if you are super brave then a kiss on the lips. Don't get too worked up. Just let it flow naturally. There's a girl out there for you who will love the shy you and all the rest. Stay strong :)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2016): OP here.
Sorry guys, you're missing the point. I can't just switch off the shyness- you think I haven't tried already? - and we all know unless a man makes the move at the beginning, things will never progress. I've lost a few relationships because of my shyness.
And Wiseowl, if I wanted to be offended ('you're a man, not a boy') then I'd have asked my friends. I wanted constructive advice, not told to just stop being shy. I need help with the shyness!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2016): [Edit] " a peck on the check now and then..."
Correction: a peck on the cheek now and then...
All this will build your comfort-level, and will calm you down. You're just too anxious on a date.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2016): Stop overthinking all your moves. You're a man, not a boy; so it is about time you bypass/overcome shyness, and allow your maturity and common-sense to take charge.
Start the date with a warm hug, and a warm kiss on the check. She'll get a dose of how soft your lips are, and how manly your hug is. Please don't bear-hug women. Please don't!
Keep emphasis on tenderness and be affectionate. Holding her hand, gazing into her eyes, leaning-in when you talk and listen. Body-language says a whole lot. Taking her hand into both of yours allows her to relax. Feel your warmth, the protection of your masculinity. Being gentle is a must. I don't care how assertive or aggressive a woman is; a man's gentleness tells her a lot before sex happens. Pheromones does all the rest.
Await her signals giving you permission. You might ask if you may give her a kiss, or move her hair out of her eyes. Any gesture of tenderness will help her to relax and be receptive to romance.
Please don't be mechanical, or too dramatic. Women see through bullshit, and sweet-talk is an insult to their intelligence. You can offer sincere compliments, a peck on the check now and then; but do it with calm and confidence.
If a woman pulls away, she isn't feeling romantic. As you well know.
Boyish-charm and shyness can also be used to your advantage. Just asking for a kiss will get a blush and make her feel desirable. It's not for the purpose of seduction; it is to draw her closer, make her feel wanted, and she will be more receptive.
Letting the thought of sex and over-awareness of your penis will overwhelm your thought-process. That will most certainly make you awkward, and appear clumsy.
Your instincts takeover when you are paying more attention to her, than what your erection is telling you. She will give you signals. She will feel weird if you're sitting too far away, or nervously chatting at her. A whole night rolls by; and you've done nothing but stare and talk.
Gentleness, being attentive, subtle touch (without being too forward and coming-off as groping), and romantic gestures like holding her hand, and gazing into her eyes says a lot to a woman.
Just being confident gives her options. Sometimes she'll send you direct cues and nature will take its course.
Try to avoid overly shy women. You'll both be sitting there all night, and she'll be jumpy as a cat on a hot tin roof.
...............................
A
male
reader, Garm  +, writes (29 December 2016):
I used to be a total introvert too but then I learned to Fake it. It's easy. When she plays games play them back better. Reciprocate. She ignores your text so you ignore hers longer. She touches your hand, you put your hand on her leg. She gets close and looks into your eyes, you kiss her. Escalate appropriately. If you notice subtle cues, you will realize she is passively calling the shots. Failing to respond so will bore her, and after enough strikes, she will "friend zone" you. But that's fine. There will be plenty of opportunities--let that be your security blanket.
In my opinion, initial contact is the hardest part and gives me terrible anxiety--at least you've got that down.
...............................
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (28 December 2016):
"but when it comes to making the move (kissing, sex) I am hopeless!"
The statement above is your answer to your own problem.
"I like to be in a relationship."
This statement should be your first and only intent. Kissing and sex will come very easy, when a relationship is developed FIRST.
To many men this may sound cheesy....But it is the truth.... The key to open a woman's legs, is to first open her heart.
Men just do not get it....Men want sex to feel loved. But women NEED love in order to have GREAT SEX. It's not the size of your penis, but the size of your heart and how much of it you give her.
The more love give, and you will not have to make the first move...she will come to get more of what you are giving...All of it.
Never go on a date with just the intent to have sex. Women are not stupid...they will see your intent a mile away, and that will kill the mood for sure...not your shyness.
So you are not shy...Clueless...yes.
...............................
|
