A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:It seems like the odds are stacked against me and my ex who have just got back together after a few years of being apart. We have been together again for 5 months, but I hardly get to see him and it's breaking my heart,because I love him so much but I don't know if its realistic that the relationship can work like this :(I was with him when we were both alot younger, for 3 years and at one point we were engaged, but we grew a part and I ended the relationship, because after talking to him I felt like he didn't really care for me anymore. I always regretted it and the relationships I had after never felt right,a few boyfriends even complained that I still liked my ex. I never had contact with him for 4/5 years after we broke up, only occassionaly bumping into him and he was always friendly. I wanted to get back with him but he was with someone else and I thought it was so long ago he wouldn't feel the same as me. Then recently I met him again and he was single so we started seeing each other and I was suprised that he had kept my picture in his room and lots of other stuff from our past relationship, he said he never stopped loving me. It has been great being back together but it is very difficult to see each other, we don't live close and have jobs on different schedules sometimes I don't see him for 2 weeks or more and I miss him and it drives me crazy.Twice now he has drove all the way to mine, his work have phoned him and said his shedule has changed and he is meant to be at work. He then has to leave immediatly or he will get sacked. He is terrifyed of losing the job so will never complain to his boss, I thought initially it was him being disorganised but I am starting to realise he is bing messed about alot.I used to do that type of work myself so I know they like to take the piss a bit. But if it was me I would not allow myself to be messed about to the point, where I was sacrificing my relationship and making myseld ill being so tired all the time. He promises it wont happen next time but it always does and he will never say anything about it. Can this work at all? Don't you need to see someone regularly to be in a proper relationship? Am I being unreasonable in my demands? Any advice anyone can give will be much appreciated! *Apologies for the epic essay that this is!*
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): Don't worry about it OP, feel free to rant as much as you like if you find it helpful.
It sounds like you're panicking slightly to be honest because this is still quite new and you're desperate for it to work this time and it seems circumstances are against you and you'd love more time with him.
I say keep going but don't just ride it out, see if there are little ways you grab some extra time with him.
Your second post is proof that you're not being unreasonable nor naggy, just panicking slightly and that's understandable because your feelings are so strong.
If you can try and relax a bit more, less time together doesn't mean this is going to fail or fade away especially seeing as you both spend as much time together as possible.
A new job with crazy hours can be stressful but he'll settle into a bit of routine and you will with him too.
Try not to worry too much, just keep making the effort and keep going. Missing someone is a good sign generally just do what you can to get more time with him and perhaps organize some time off in the near future and have a weekend away.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2012): **to add on some extra** just in case I didn't spew enough already!First off thanks for the advice, given me something to think about!I do of course drive to his,I do alot of the travel which is my choice because I drive and he does not have a car, only a motorbike and I worry about him coming to mine on it and the rain and that.He had a different job when I met him, has only recently started at this new place, I think because I did the work myself I know how crap it can be and I'm seeing them messing him about like they did with me and I'm just trying to pass on my advice about putting your foot down to him, but he's not the same mentality as me (probably alot nicer!) I am probably coming across as naggy and I don't want that at all.I have a second job that I do near where he lives and I usually try and pop round then, but I do like to spend more then brief moments with him and of course, not beating about the bush here, I am human and I do like to have some coitus with my man when I can! Reading my post back I think I needed to just get some stuff off my chest. I do sound like a bit of an unreasonable git.Obviously no one can afford to change their job in these times! I guess I will just have to ride it out and hope things settle down.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2012): OP if you've done this kind of work before then you knew the deal when you reunited with him. With the economy the way it is he can't very well just throw away a job because you don't think he spends enough time with you.
As long as your post was OP you left out a lot of important details.
Are you driving up to see him too? You don't just expect him to do all the running do you?
OP I think your demands are unreasonable in the sense that you too are working yet you want him to quit his job to suit you and because you think he's being messed about. Why don't you quit your job instead so you have more free time to see him if you think that's such a good idea?
Look talk to him and see if you sort something out, maybe you can use skype and other things to supplement your relationship. You've only met him recently and you're starting freak out, he may not even be the guy you knew back then and you may not even know if you and he will work yet this time because you know what? You broke up because your life took different directions and low and behold they still are in different directions. You can't ask him to give up that life for you. That would be unreasonable.
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