A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there aunts and uncles, I've got a bit of a different question today: how important do you think physical attraction is in choosing a partner?I've become incredibly close to a guy in the last few weeks. We seem to be really compatible; we have loads in common, he's sweet and kind and fun, and I already don't like to go a day without seeing him. We live in the same building on our uni campus so we're in each other's apartments a lot and have already slept together.We are currently defining ourselves as FWBs but there are feelings developing there too. We are thinking about progressing to a proper relationship, however we're taking a few more weeks as FWBs first to see how things go before we rush into committing to anything. This means I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I've realised I don't really find him physically attractive. He just looks like anyone else to me, and it's his personality that stands out. Should this matter?I am bisexual and rarely find men very attractive anyway- I prefer girls when it comes to appearances. But I have dated one guy before who I actually found really good-looking. This one isn't like that for me. It doesn't make me like him any less, but is there any way this could become a problem? I feel like I'm doing this wrong! Can you be in a relationship with someone you don't think is particularly attractive?I apologise if this all sounds weird or superficial, I'm just really confused and would love some outside input! Thank you. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (10 October 2015):
 Can you date someone you don't find attractive? No. But it sounds like you do find him attractive even if physically he isn't doing much for you. There are many ways to find someone attractive and clearly he's doing something for you. If you're happy and having fun, I wouldn't throw that away yet. As long as he's making you happy it's worth pursuing.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2015): Sorry for being confusing, it's hard to put into words!
I do fancy him, I just don't think he's very physically attractive. The sexual relationship is great, but based entirely on sensation and emotion etc- his appearance plays no part at all. I don't find him repulsive or anything stupid, I just don't look at him and think he's good-looking.
He tells me I'm stunning, so I assume the way I look is important to him. But the way he looks is kind of irrelevant to me and I was just curious at to whether physical attractiveness is always meant to be a factor when getting together with someone.
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A
male
reader, oneguy +, writes (9 October 2015):
 Let me ask you this - if your spouse felt that you're unattractive, and still is living with you - how would you feel about it?Would you feel hurt? Or grateful?This is a classic case of trying to determine whether a glass is half empty or half full.Let's suppose you have a full glass. What do you do with it? Drink it all? What will that leave you with? Nothing. When you desire to take something from someone, you can take all that the other person can give, but at the end of it, when the person can give you nothing anymore, what do you do? Look elsewhere?Relationships are not about how much you can get from someone.They are about how much you feel like giving to that someone. It is about how much you enjoy doing it. It is about how much they fulfill your life, your potential, your feeling of beauty and joy. Whether it be physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, financial, or any other aspect of life. Remember, all this fulfillment, is only providable to you by you. But in the presence of that magical person, you can do this to yourself by giving to him/her. And that person also feels that way with you.This is an ideal setting, however. In reality, not all aspects can be fulfilled, yet, many do, as your knowledge of the self and the world grows. Do not expect to get.I want to say one thing, but it may hurt you. I don't think the man you are currently with deserves the lesser treatment you are giving him in your mind. It's quite the worst feeling to know that you are not "the one" in the mind of your partner. I'm sure you'll get what you want. I'm also hopeful that he'll get a sweet person to lead his life with. I would want you to leave him for this reason, though it would probably hurt him a lot in the short term. I'm sorry for this bluntness. I wish you well.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (9 October 2015):
 Beauty is more than skin deep. Personality and emotional connection can be just as beautiful as a cute face, if not more. Looks fade, but what is inside will always be.
I am confused though..... you say you don't find him physically attractive? Yet, you are having a sexual relationship with him? HOW can you do this if you don't fancy him?
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