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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Where I work is most females but we do have a few male coworkers. All of whom are either married or a lot older then most of us younger ladies, so when we had a new starter who is good looking, friendly and single, a lot of the girls made a play for him. When he first started there I was in a relationship which was heading towards the end and one day I was really upset after I received a horrible text from my partner at the time. I was on my break and so was this guy. He saw me crying and offered comfort. I told him I was OK and thanked him for the offer and left it there. Over the next few months, I wouldn't say we became friends but we developed a friendship of sorts due to working together and such. One day while working together in a pair he made a joke about me getting rid of my ex and made me laugh. He then text me that night asking if I wanted to go out for fast food as he couldn't sleep and he knows I'm a night owl. A friendship started from that point and I'm not sure how or when but it became quite touchy feel sort of thing. He would slap my bottom, hug each other or make sexual comments. Everyone thought we were together but we weren't. Anyway my best friend who I met at my workplace told me recently that she really likes him and has for a while and wants to know if he likes her back. She is really shy and to be honest it was really obvious she liked him but she kept denying it.The thing is we have started to move on from friendly banter to flirting costantly and we have almost kissed a few times but I've always pulled away due to what my best friend said. I haven't told him what she has said but I'm not sure if I should as I'm not sure if it's just flirting or if he does really like me like I like him. He has arranged for a group of us to go out on Halloween for his birthday, and last night he texted me a picture of a sexy kitten outfit and told me if I wore this, it would count as his birthday present. I love my best friend and she is such a sweet girl I don't want her to feel like I've taken him away from her if I do make a move or if he does but I also feel like she has made it obvious she likes him and all he seems to say is she is a nice girl. I'm confused as what to do!
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best friend, co-worker, flirt, move on, my ex, shy, text, workplace Reply to this Question
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female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (9 October 2015):
 I COMPLETELY agree with wise owl,what an answer!- he hasn't mentioned to you where you two stand, or what you mean to him- you're clearly young, attractive, he saw you when you were vulnerable and jumped straight in there... like a hungry vulture... it might seem like his sexual infatuation with you is true feelings, because youlike him, but it's clear to ANY outsider he's after your body (objectifying you as basically a sex object)-- and think about what a boast it'll provide with the other male collegues... If you give it up for him, he'll cool down... until he wants some again and thinks, he played you once, lets see what he can get again... be back being "(over) friendly". Sorry but he's sleazy, not open about his availabilty and the BEST thing to do is to stop things here- dont give it up for him... Shy people are also exremely sensitive (I know) and feel rejection strongly... your friend will be SO hurt, and he's not worth the pain and TROUBLE at work this is going to cause... you'll become paranoid from her resentment that everyone is judging you, some people will stigmatise you and make life difficult for you, things will get tense, there'll be emotional outbursts and it will all hellishly spiral out of control... This is just sex for him- pure and simple... now you have to do the hardest thing and face up to that fact, and remember the care you have for someone you say is your best friend.. focus your attentions elsewhere, make an effort to notice other men, and take your mind off him... Take care!
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (9 October 2015):
 Aaah..workplace relationships. A lot of people meet at work, get married and live happily ever after. Then there is those that don't. Its all hunky dory till it goes to shit. Gets messy, gossipy, and publicly played out - then someones looking for new job. IF you two do decide to make thing official then the flirty behaviour needs to be kept for outside the office. Its a workspace and co-workers don't take too kindly to having to watch it carry on. Nobody like being the barer of bad news o a friend, but you have to be honest and tell her the situation. how she hasn't noticed I don't know, perhaps that is something you could ask her should she get the shits on. Alls fair in love and war and you are no less entitled to make a move on him than she.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2015): Dating where you work is such a bad idea. Now you're bringing potential drama to the workplace; because you don't want to be on bad terms with a female "co-worker." Over a guy you have no official relationship with; and the only dibs you have on him is that you both play hanky-panky!
I think you need to ask the guy if you are officially dating, or just heading toward friends with benefits? If everyone else thinks you and the guy are a couple; why can't your best friend see it?
This whole thing has so many bad implications.
Sexual-harassment liability, the guy is just messing around and showing no definitive signs he wants you as his girlfriend. Then you'll be full of spite and scorn if you get played. You'll act out your drama at work!
This is all just a lot of heavy flirting on the brink of sex. Which is what he's going to get; then back-off as soon as he gets it. Trust my words about that! You're willing to accommodate him; because you're going to use your body as bait. Worst way to get a man and keep one, my dear!
Then there's some other girl who is going to no doubt make her displeasure known when she thinks you've stolen a guy, who isn't committed to either of you. Then you'll both have psychological-warfare trying to show each other in passive-aggressive ways how much you hate each other without getting your asses fired!
Seriously?!!
Are there not enough men to go around that you have to fish in a barrel, and fight over the same man like two lionesses over the same baby antelope carcass?!!!
Tell her that you're seeing the guy, but there's nothing official. That's the truth. She has no idea, if he even likes her. So why on earth would she be angry at you?
There is no logic in any of that. He doesn't belong to either of you! You won't tell her; because you hope to seal the deal before she gets a chance to compete. She's going to find out sooner or later. You all work together!!!
He's asking you to wear a little hoochie costume for him. Don't you think he should first let you know where you stand with him, before you embarrass yourself in a sexually-provocative costume he may share with other guys
at work? He's heating up the sexual-tension, and he isn't dating and courting you to show he has interests in you beyond rolling in the sack. You're on fast-forward; because you sense urgency to snap him up before your "best friend" gets her claws into him.
Girlfriend, get your ducks in row. Ask him where things
stand between you. Before you give up the "kitty," and he finally admits he's just looking for a hookup.
Do not wear the "sexy kitty" costume unless you are seeing each other "exclusively;" and he is in mutual agreement about that. That is something you do for your boyfriend! Not the guy at work who smacks you on your butt. Giving him liberties does not necessarily mean he wants to be your boyfriend. Use your brain, not the "kitty," sweetie!
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