A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband's ex girlfriend and him had a daughter 4 years ago. He pays child support but never gets to see her or if he does get to see her the women takes the child away if he doesn't do what she wants. "Takela"(we'll call his ex) is never with "Missy"(we'll call her daughter). I was recently told that Missy has had many caregivers(random men the woman has dated, her friends, or of course her parents), which concerns me. When I've been near the child I turn away because I cannot handle her. For a 4 year old she is sassy and rude, thinks it's funny to hurt people around her, says I love you to anyone who pays attention to her, is still not potty trained(she still goes number two and just sits in it), and talks like a two year old(strangers can't understand what she is saying). His family wants us to try for full custody, yet we barely know the child and quite honestly I don't want to have to try to reraise a child when I am already trying to raise my 6 month old son. I am also concerned she will harm our child and I am not about to have Missy even near him. My family has been around her and refuse to have her over EVER again in fear that she will kill there dog (last time she ignored his whimpers as she carried him around by his throat). My family tells me not to waste the money by going to court for a troubled child that could potentially harm our son. My husband no longer wants to try to connect with his daughter because he never gets enough time and when he does it's a very stressful situation. I am worried if we get custody it'll tear us apart! What should we do? Try to get custody like his family wants, or give up on this? We are also worried because we only make $2500 per month which only leaves us $200 by the time we pay all our bills (we were kind of hoping to pay for our sons education with what we save from what's left over every month)....help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2008): I disagree with the last two posts. You need to worry about YOUR son and his welfare way before you need to worry about a child you've never had the time to connect with. If "Takela" wants "Missy" to herself rather than allowing her the time to be with her father than she has got her wish. Yes Missy is a little girl and diserves better, but just like the first person who answered said, the woman did not have to have her, she had many choices. Takela probably didn't want Missy in the first place and it is her fault she did not think of the welfare of the child before her own selfish laziness. There were many options such as abortion, adoption, and she probably could have been on birth control. So please don't do something you know may endanger the welfare of your child and your relationship with your husband, your stable relationship and precious son come first! Plus call social services on the psycho and the little girl will be put with a family that does care and you don't have to worry about your child be harmed or neglected 'cause your focus will certainly be put on the troubled child, sadly.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): You are blaming the child for how it turned out?
The mother is a damned psycho and you have no desire to see her in a famil that could give her the love and support she has obviously not ever had?
She is the way she is because she has had no rules, no guidance to teach her right and wrong and appropriate behaviours. No boundaries to keep her in check.
She causes pain adn destruction possibly because it is the only way she knows (or has been taught) to get attention from the people in her life.
Have some faith. It would take a lot of time to undo a lot of the damage that has been done, and in a lot of cases such abuse lingers forever in a person. But she is still young and so stands a better chance at growing into a good and decent person.
His family would not want him to take custody for selfish reasons. They want it because they cannot sit by and watch an innocent little girl be torn and twisted by a life-time of abuse if they are within their power to stop it.
It is a great responsibility, but all it takes for a person like this mother to destroy a life is for decent human beings to sit back and let it happen out of fear or their own selfishness.
This father needs to stand up and save his child from this neglect and abuse. Otherwise he is no better then the person who causes the harm because he stood by and let his own flesh and blood endure it in his stead out of sheer fear and selfishness.
There isn't a court in the world that would hesitate to take this child away from such abuse and give him to a loving family if they knew what went on.
So stop being selfish and get the girl out of there, You aren't playing with just your own lives. You are playing with a child's.
With plenty of love and time and support, the girl she is now will be a distant and dark memory in the life of a smart and healthy human girl.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, Miss Potter  +, writes (10 December 2008):
 Hello there.
This is a very important decision that you will have to make but to put it frankly - it will have to be made by you and your husband. Not his family. If he has given up on connecting with his daughter well could this be an indication that he does not want a full custody?
You will have to sit down and talk this through. Is this child wanted? Doesn't sound like it, and you have your own son to take care of.
This girl is a responsibility of her mother who has decided to have the baby when she got pregnant. Although just paying child support is not enough to be a good "dad", your husband has tried to spend time with his daughter, and his ex has come in his way. So his ex would not give the child away without a battle, right? Then it will cost money to win the case...
Although I still agree that a man is responsible for getting the woman pregnant, nowadays there are all kinds of precations available, as well as abortion. Having a child is not a sole responsibility of a man. This is a joint decision between a man and a woman.
I think it is unfair for your husbands family to push him to take full custody of his daughter as by the end of the day it will be you and him taking care of this child, not his family!
All the best x
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