A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We're each other's first everything and we're quite a great couple, if I do say so myself :). We're incredibly honest with each other and discuss EVERYTHING. Like who we find attractive, possible crushes on other people, any feelings conflicting with the relationship... basically, we've never kept anything between us, even the "taboo" topics of discussion you usually can't say without the other getting offended. He's amazing in that respect - great listener and not jealous or insecure. He's my unspoken self with the same values/life philosophy/etc. And the physical side is fantastic. I know I lucked out big time here. I know he's probably the guy I'll marry. And that's so great!! But then......how can I really make that huge a commitment without other experience? I don't think I'm the type of person who can. It doesn't matter how much I tell my brain I'm lucky to have found the closest thing I can think of to a soul mate (if you believe that sort of thing) - I don't think I can commit in these terms. I'm not unappreciative -- I love him with all my heart. This is just such a difficult position.I obviously told him all about it and his first reaction was, "We can try an open relationship if you'd like." At first I didn't because I was worried it might wreck what we have. But then...the idea became more appealing. Our terms would be: our commitment is first and foremost to each other (no duh!). No sex, or anything past just kissing. Emotional exclusivity with each other. Openness about all that happens. Basically, the only thing that'd be different is that we'd be able to go to parties and make out with other people, we'd be able to flirt, we'd be able to experiment. Does it sound like it could work? I just want to get it out of my system -- to kiss someone else, to express interest in someone else and have someone else do the same for me. It's not to spice things up or to have a lot of random sex (which is against the terms). And eventually we'd close our relationship up again. Thanks!
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 June 2010):
This won't work. Someone will go too far, the other person will get hurt. People always try to get it out of their system, and it never works. The terms you set will be broken by one of you. And one will always be jealous of the other. You're both setting yourself up for major heartache here. If he is the guy, you should be able to commit. Since you're not sure, you're not ready. And if you're not ready, you should end it. Yes, you'll lose him. But another one will come along. The open relationship thing just won't work.
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