A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hello everyone ..i have messed up my life....!i had a one year relationship with my girlfriend who was damn caring and loved me more than anyone this this world! she was the most responsible sensible and mature girl i have every come across in my life...but because of some reason i had to end it up and i was firm about my decision and dont regret it...our lives revolved around each other and we used to be in touch 24/7 and got deadly addicted....until i suddenly told her to take a break FOR ATLEAST A ONE WEEK after our breakup which was 4 days back ...it was heart wrenching for both of us ...but i calmly explained her my own reasons and she agreed...we decided to remain friends no matter what as we both cant afford to lose each other completely from our lives...3 days passed and we didnt talk until finally i called her today thinking maybe she will feel better ..i told her that we will talk only once a week because it is very necessary if we want to get over it and ease the habbit of each other..but it seemed like i had exposed the open wounds and she started crying ..she was afraid to lose me and wanted a serious friendship which means talk regularly and be with her all the time! but deep inside i really want her to move on and i wonder if i would ever be able to be her friend in life cuz it seems very difficult...i seriously felt chocked while missing her presence in my life in these 3 days but for its good for both of us in the long run of life ...a serious question in my mind ...does she really require me as a friend ? will it be wise to be her friend assuming she will get used to the situation and may accept it later on ? i seriously cant afford to lose such a great girl from my life as she means a lot to me but also cant stay with her always! should i completely leave her for a month or two rather than taking frequent small breaks ? or do i need to think of the step which will devastate the poor girl ? i hope u got it friends ...thanks 4 the time
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2009): From what I gather, you are at the stage in your life when you only want a girlfriend, but do not want a full commitment of marriage and don't see yourself doing that in the near future.
You care about your girlfriend but want to break up with her and are having a hard time breaking the habit of each other and have offered her friendship instead.
You want to know if frequent short breaks will do the trick, but found that your girlfriend doesn't want that and starts to cry when you contact her.
Now put all this together and I think you will see your answer.
Your ex girlfriend is not going to get over you with frequent short breaks. She will hold out the hope that you want a relationship with her, and when you repeatedly reject this, she will continually go through the pain of losing you and you will do more harm to her emotionally this way.
You are going to have to suck it up, accept the consequences of your decision to break up with your girlfriend and do her the favor of staying away from her for several months or as long as it takes, possibly forever.....and if at some point after you two are completely over each other, you can be friends, but it is rare to really ever be friends with a past lover....unless years have passed and you both have moved on and found other relationships.
But no frequent short breaks are not the way to go.
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