A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have just met up again with my first love, Matt, who I went out with for 3 years, 18 years after we parted ways. In all that time, even through my past marriage, I never stopped thinking about him and all of the "what ifs". Last year, we got back together for a short time, I was scared of how I felt for him and cut contact. In all the time we were apart this year, he texted every now and again, telling me he loved me, he was still there, would never give up etc. Last week, I replied and we met up again, I apologised over and over for hurting him, he didn't get angry, nothing, just held me and said he had guessed why I backed off but he was there for me and to trust I could talk to him. There is most definately still a spark between us, just like so many years ago. We both have failed marriages (divorces) and children and have both changed a lot since we were teen lovers. His friend told me last month that Matt had never given up hope, how I was all he spoke about and how he would do anything to give us another chance. His ex wife knew who I was, as did my ex husband, he's always had a very special place in my heart. We only split first time round due to him moving away. I love this guy, of that I am 100% sure, so why am I so scared of the committment of even so much as a relationship? Would I be making the wrong move trying to rekindle something thats from the past, however wonderful it might have been? Why don't I know what to do?
View related questions:
ex-wife, got back together, his ex, my ex, spark, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell it was a disaster. He lied about so many things and cheated on me. Charmer he certainly was, glad I gave it a shot though, has made me realise I deserve better, think about what I want and go for it - as a result, I'm back with another ex... (glutton for punishment)!! Thanks for all the advice, better to know than wonder "what if" for the rest of my life :D
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, you all put into words how I was feeling, it's a bit clearer now. I think I will go for it, slowly and will try not to have too many expectations. I am scared that we ruin the good memories, but maybe I'm looking at it wrong and it will be a nice opportunity to make new ones. It's a risk for sure, but, not sure I could deal with even more "what ifs"!!Will keep you updated!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): I think a big part of why you are scared has a lot to do with the hope and expectation that you have placed on your love for and a possible relationship with Matt. Your love for each other is clear, but my guess is that you fear messing it up? Or that if you give in and pursue a relationship again, that it may not work out this time and you'll both be hurt?You may want to consider some psychology/counselling based support through this, but my encouragement is to talk to Matt about your fears (when you identify what they are) as he seems very responsive and understanding.And give it a go! Your only regret here will be not giving this a chance. Treat it all like you have just met and are getting to know each other for the first time... which in a sense you are, as people change and grow over time.Don't be afraid that you may disappoint him (or that he may disappoint you). That is all part of the love cycle.Enjoy - we only have one life to live and if even part of that is with our true love, then how lucky we are!
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 February 2010):
If you're both single now, you have nothing to lose by trying. It's worth getting rid of that 'what if'.
...............................
|
