A
female
age
51-59,
*urious71
writes:my fiancee and i have been together for almost a year. we live apart and only see one another a couple times a month. recently we have been really wanting one another. we had an agreement to not masturbate between because we feel it builds up the tension and release factor when we do get together and we also read that because i had a harder time orgasming without rubbing my clit before it would allow for him to pleasure me. (that has worked i've begun to cum really hard and really orgasm with just him inside me and we'll now throw in some clitoral stimulation when needed) Our question is this now; since we are really wanting one another, do you think we should wait, we see each other in a few days and he really wants to experience the buildup that is coming and is here. I'm frustrated and just want some release, I want him so bad it hurts, we've been talking about when we'll get to be with one another for the last couple of days...what are the benefits of not masturbating and what are the benefits of doing it? We want to be able to completely satisfy one another and this (not masturbating between visits) may or may not have worked so far. We want to work through this together.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 August 2008):
 Well, maybe I misunderstood your post. In any case, I hope the parts I got right (if any) did help you.
A
female
reader, curious71 +, writes (20 August 2008):
curious71 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your replies. We've discussed the phone thing and even talked about webcamming together Helios so thank you.
Danielepew thank you for answering too but I'm not so sure you really read what I was asking and stating because I have full control of my sexuality and know how to have an orgasm and I have no problems having orgasms with him all the time now. The question was regarding the benefits of and not masturbating and I guess I kind of answer my own question by saying that now that I don't, he makes me cum all the time. Thank you anyhow.
Hope more of you have insight to this.
Look forward to discussing with him.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (19 August 2008):
I believe that, in your situation, the benefit of masturbating is the release of sexual tension.
I wonder if there are benefits in not masturbating. You tell us you used to have problems having orgasms and now, without the masturbation, you don't have them anymore. It seems to me that perhaps the emotion and anticipation you give to intercourse when you're finally together is what helps you let go, rather than merely abstaining from sexual pleasure.
I think your masturbating or not shouldn't be an issue here. It would simply mean the release of sexual tension. Nothing else. Frankly, if you were my girl and we were away from each other for long periods, I wouldn't mind if you did it. Maybe I would do it, myself, as a way to let go and perhaps not lose my mind after another woman.
I think you would benefit a lot from taking control of your own sexuality and learning how to orgasm yourself. There is plenty of help here, in Dear Cupid, in the "Articles" section, but I guess female agony aunts can help you as well. Just wait for their answers.
Many women cannot have an orgasm without manual or oral stimulation. It's not a problem you can't solve, but certainly abstaining from masturbation isn't going to help. That means that your pleasure is in his hands only, and that is just not right. You need to walk your own half mile as well. Both of you will benefit, as he obviously enjoys your having an orgasm. He wants to feel he can give you that, and no man can't want it, but I'm afraid that he can't ask you to just cross your arms and wait for him to do his "magic".
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A
female
reader, HeliosHelana  +, writes (19 August 2008):
I don't know about the specific benefits of doing it or not, but have you ever considered having phone sex together? That way you're still sharing and pleasuring each other though you're not physically together.
I understand how hard it can be wanting someone but not being able to have them as much as you like, and I'm pretty certain that he'll be able to appreciate how you feel.
Try suggesting this to him, because it really is the inbetween point. You never know, he may be feeling exactly the same way.
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