A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im in need of some insight right about now!! When i was 15 I was in an abusive relationship that lasted 3 years with the person who i feel was my first love. I endured all abuse possible being talked down upon, being accused of things i never did, being choked, being thrown across the room, my valuables destroyed, my parents front door being knocked down, being cheated on..and so on and so fourth. a year in a half after i graduated high school i moved 5 hrs away to start school..after 6 months of living in the new area i had met someone. It actually was unexpected and i feel like it happened for a reason. The second time we met we hooked up and started seeing each other from there. we never had directly declared that we were only going to be seeing one another but we both assumed thats what was going on. so for the first 2 months everything was going pretty well but at the same time he would give me his heart and then back down the next day i was reciving mixed signals. Then it got bad he had made some comments that put me down and would say rude things but at this time he fell into depression and was drinking// drunk everyday i still put up with it cause knowing him for the short amount of time that i did, i felt like we had such a strong connection that is undescribale. Then another girl came into the picture over time and he had ended it with me cause he didnt want to be with anyone casue he was unhappy i accepted it and was over it at the time. we didnt talk for a little over a month then we ran into each other at a friends party and he let hs heart out things hes never said before telling me he loves me and wants to be with me and hes been scared the whole time and was pushing me away cause he didnt want to feel love and didnt want me to love him. so from there we stared talking again but at this point even though i still cared i was so hurt from what i had to go through with him but for some reason i wanted to stick it through. But i got bad i started lashing out at him talking him down cause i was hurt about the things he had told me months ago. weve been together for 8 months and it been a battle some weeks worse then others but it is really good as well. we get along with one anothers family my family adores him. but they think we have personal issues we need to work out ourselves. Im getting to my point now.. this past week i found out he had lied to me about something and makes me not trust him but i believe everything he tells me casue thats the person he is and this is out of character for him to lie but i got so mad when he lied to me about something important that i started to hit him and throw things at him and talk him down in the worse ways ever. Im hurt and feel resentment i know this isnt right. i am repeating my past relationship i feel that i never got over! when i say i never got over i mean i didnt get over the things he did to me and the situations he would put me in. like i said i know this all sounds bad but we are both really good people and want to work through this and really love and care for one another but what should we do? just have a break? or will this pattern continue? and is it possible for me to be a victim of domestic violence and carry it to my next relationship and be the one who is being violent now? i dont get it i hated what i went through why would i reverse it and do the same? PLEASE HELP!!!!
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 September 2011):
 The "pattern" of crapphy guys behaving like crappy guys can and will continue ad infinitum IF you seek out guys who will mistreat you and will tolerate their boorish behaviour.....
The key is for you to look for NICE guys.... and spend time with them... AND be ready to "call" any guy who isn't nice to you, on his behaviour......
There are LOTS of nice guys out here, who are your age, and will be happy to spend time with a sweet lady like you.... NOW.... go find them and have the time of your life!!!
Good luck....
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