A
female
age
30-35,
*erriAnn
writes:My ex and I dated for a few months when I got pregnant with our son. We were both only 20 . When my son was one we broke up. We fought a lot over the years, we would both get jealous when the other one started dating some one else, I didn't like when he partied with friends, he didn't like when I traveled with guys. We kept things to our selves and never fought in front of our son. And even though he dated a lot of other girls over the years he always put our son first ! He never missed an important milestone, never chose partying over visits and was here for us when I ever I called him. Our son was diagnosed with autism and he works beyond well with the therapist and with me. In early March we went on a group Disney vacation with his family. The new girl he was dating (together for a couple of months) knew I was going along. She called him mid vacation after seeing a few family picture of us together at Disney world and told him that she didn't want to see anymore pictures of us together or she was breaking up with him , he told her that he would make it easy for her and made the decision to break up right there on the phone saying that we were a family whether we / she liked it and that if our son wanted picture of the three of us then that was what he would get. After the phone call his sister made a comment and said she honestly didn't see why we didn't try to get back together since we co- parent so well together. I was shocked when he said "I pray for that everyday" he had never mentioned getting back together ever. Since coming home from vacation we talked about it and we both agree we do get along great now and that our past fighting was a lot just from us being immature. We both agree that we work so well together and honestly I have never stopped caring for him. At the same time we want to make things right for our son, we don't want to confuse him or upset his life so we agreed that if we did so this that we would have to put a lot of effort into it and would be doing it privately until we knew that it was going to work so that it didn't affect our son.Our friends think it's weird that we are not being more open about getting back together , they think hiding it makes it seem like a booty call . We aren't hiding t in my opinion just trying to protect our son incase it doesn't work out. Do you think it's wrong that we are hiding it from him ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2016): I don't know much about autism, but I'm pretty sure that keeping a regular routine and not introducing new stress or potential upset to a young child with that diagnosis is the sensible thing to do. I don't understand why you would doubt that. So carry-on what you're doing, if things do work out and you are able to officially commit to one another, there'll be no harm done to your child. If you fail in reconciling, the damage that you do the child could be quite difficult for him to deal with. So to answer your question, put the child first, make sure he's healthy and safe and getting the care that he needs. The rest of it is just you dating a guy who happens to have a history with you.
A
female
reader, kirra07 +, writes (28 April 2016):
I definitely think you are doing the right thing by keeping it from your son. As parents, you guys are in a great place right now, and providing stability for your son. Until you are sure that your relationship will work out, it is best to just keep coparenting as you have been. It is hard enough when kids see a string of bfs and gfs get paraded by, or when they bond to someone only to have a break up happen. I think kids of divorced parents almost always wish for their parents to be together again. Don't give him that hope until you are confident you won't take it away.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 April 2016):
 Sweetie I think you are both doing the right thing keeping it from your son, you both know what is best for him so don't listen to anyone else. Children with autism don't cope to well with change, therefore keeping it quiet until you both know it will work is the most sensible thing to do.
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A
female
reader, KerriAnn +, writes (27 April 2016):
KerriAnn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe broke up mainly because we were both immature and selfish. We were still getting to know when I found out I was pregnant.I excepted way to much from him , if he occasionally went out with friends I was question him about where he was and then wouldn't believe him when he told me the truth. I didn't trust him even though he gave me no reason to not trust him. He was young , went to college and worked and occasional wanted to go out with his friends and I would make it miserable for him andI admit that I did. I'm not sure why I guess I was just young and stupid. We would fight about a lot of little things then hold grudges over it. Our break up was mutual mainly because we were tired of arguing. The first year after we broke was horrible with us fighting a lot but then we realized that we had to get along. I think we learnt a lot about each other over the last few years and we get along fine now. We have vacationed together several times, talk daily and texted through out the day.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 April 2016):
 I think you two taking it slow and sure is BY far better than rushing into something that MAY or MAY NOT work, but WILL create emotional ripple effect.
What your friends think is a little irrelevant as they are NOT in the relationship, nor does it really affect them.
So many people jump into relationships and let their children bond with the new partner only to have the relationship fall apart and the KID is often left feeling the loss a lot more than the parent.
Give yourselves a GOOD 8-12 months to decide if you CAN make it work.
I think the fact that you were already able to co-parent in a healthy manner will help you two to close the gap. You both have also matured, so that can be another added bonus.
Generally I don't think relationships that have been (or are) on/off have much of a future long term, but for you two it might work, because you HAVE the same goals.
Make SURE you two talk about what broke you up in the past and WORK past that, so it's no longer an issue.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (27 April 2016):
I think you are both incredibly sensible. You’re starting over again as a couple. If you were dating anyone else and you were in the early stages, you probably wouldn’t even need to ask whether it was right to keep this private from your son for now. You both co-parent your son well anyway, as you have said. He is already used to the fact that you get on well, so really until things get serious, nothing has changed for him. When you feel really confident that it’s going to work out, then explain to him that you are together again: that his Dad doesn’t have another girlfriend anymore and that you are boyfriend and girlfriend now. Then, if much further down the line you move in together, things will change again and he’ll have to know. But if your friends are advising you against keeping this discrete and private in these early stages, I think they’ve got it wrong.
I wish you all the very best.
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