A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 8 months. We do love eachother but last night we called it quits. We just feel like our personalities clash and we have different hobbies. I thought I would be okay with the situation because he has made me so mad in the past during arguments but I really miss him and I want us to continue our relationship while we work on it. I talked to him today about it and he is sticking to his decision by not being in a relationship because of all the hardships we have. he just sees us better as friends. I dont want to let him go so I may have decided to do something crazy. I told him that I wanted us to still be with each other sexually. I kind of want us to be friends with benefits. I told him that we could still be single and date others if we want but we could still have little bonus nights. I think I am okay with it right now but I wonder how it will be if he starts dating someone. He kept being resistant to it because he didnt want this to be any harder on us and he didnt want me to get hurt because I mean so much to him. I swore to him that it wouldnt bother me. he finally said okay. are we crazy or do we just still in someway want to be together we just dont want to have a troubled relationship?
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female
reader, Twirly  +, writes (25 May 2008):
 Oh gosh, this must be so hard for you, it sounds like you really like him but I would advise you not to become 'friends with benefits' as it sounds as though you like him more than he likes you sadly, and you are likely to get hurt.
Essentially you're telling him that you're happy to be there for him sexually as and when he wants, without regard for your own feelings. The fact that he is resisting this offer is another testiment to it not being a good idea. Even he can see that it wouldn't be fair to you.
I think you should let it go Sweetie, there'll be someone else out there for you who will want to be with you as much as you want to be with them, just hang in there.
Loads of love xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): It sounds like you are grasping for something with him.
You are in love with him and want to be with him, trust me, when he does start to be with other women you will be extremely hurt.
I has a similar situation not so long ago. My boyfriend and I had split but we keep sleeping together. I wanted to get back with him but he kept saying no. I just took anything I could get from him because I wanted to be with him so much and I really loved him, but when he slept with someone else it completely destroyed me and because it destroyed me it destroyed him aswel. We were both in a very bad place in our lives after that. It wont be worth the pain.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): I've tried this after a 2 year relationship (broke up, then friends with benefits) at about the same age. It worked ok; but after awhile you get to thinking you can get back together, and it's just not a good idea at the point. All the problem you had prior to the break up will still exist, and even though it's just casual sex, seeing that person with someone else, still hurts, especially since you knew each other for that long a period beforehand; there's still a lot of emotional strings attached because you haven't totally moved on.I continued an open relationship with my ex until we couldn't take it anymore. We really just ended up hurting each other, a prolonging of something that's basically doomed; but yeah, it was hard to turn down sex (back then). It all depends on what you want. If you're both ok with it, and you need that kind of fulfillment in the short term, then go ahead... and in the meantime, you're likely looking for something better. best of luck.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (25 May 2008):
 You two are still very young. These kinds of troubles and relationships happen at your age. Such things are a bit easier to deal with as we get older and become a little more mature (sorry but true). While it has mainly occurred in the distant past for me, relationships that are a bit testy, but still very good sexually, can be a reasonably satisfying partnership at times or for awhile. Maybe yours will grow to be more meaningful and understanding, or maybe not. But there is an old saying from my more youthful days that still applies to our times today: "If it feels good, do it as long as it does nobody harm."
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