A
female
age
36-40,
*opeless24
writes:Ok.. I just started dating this man who is 35. I am 24. I have known him for about 2 years but we hadn't dated before, though he had asked me out a couple of times. One of the reasons I did not date him before, aside from me being unavailable, was that I felt like he was always talking about other women, and it made me feel uncomfortable- like I wasn't sure if he was into me or not.We have been dating now for a few weeks and strangely enough I have developed strong feelings for him that were not there before. We are very open with each other and have shared a great deal about our past relationships. I am now regretting being so open. What I have found out is that he has had affairs with two married women and what is worse is that one of them was his best friend's wife. And also he seems like a serial dater- he jumps from one woman to the next to the next. I worry that he is going to get bored with me now that I am showing interest in him. I also worry that should I enter an exclusive relationship with him he would have a wandering eye. Am I worrying too much / being judgmental about the affairs? Or is this a red flag that this man is not to be trusted?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, texas_gal +, writes (21 September 2010):
I totally agree with everything followtheblackrabbit said! The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Your instincts are telling you he has behaved badly in the past. He may be fascinating, strange, and emotionally unavailable. This is enticing to you. We all want what we can't have. You know you can't really have him; his past behavior has told you that. He is also a lot older than you (At 24 an 11 yr age difference is a lot.) A leopard can't change his spots. Let him go. You deserve better.
A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 Huge red flag!! You're not being silly at all. Having affairs with married women is bad enough but your friend's wife...? That shows a lack of morality, control, consideration, and loyalty. Serial dating? Big uh-ho. He seems like a man who enjoys the chase, the thrill of getting women who are hard to get etc. I can't really tell you to drop him like a burning book (though I'm tempted) because I don't give "orders" and everyone chooses as they will. However, I will warn you to be careful. Your instincts are blaring alarms. We women love to think we'll be that special someone who can change a bad boy but they can quickly pull the rug from underneath you. Old habits die hard. Make sure he earns your trusts, don't hand it over on a silver platter. I hate to add this too but feel possessed, if you find that he has cheated, don't forgive and forget-walk away. That's the ultimate proof that he has not changed and doesn't care enough for you to try. I wish you the best of luck.
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