A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A family member is planning to be maried in 2 months. The couple have been living together for almost 2 years - and have been engaged for about 10 months. The bride recently discovered by accident several large loans which the groom has amassed over the pass 10 years. He never mentioned the loans to her. On several of the loan documents was another womens name which had apparently co-signed for the loans. After several weeks of pressuring him he finally came clean. 6 years go he sponsered a women from Brazil - and married her in order to get her a green card. The groom swears they never had a serious relationship and never lived together. The women had 2 children from a previous marriage and eventually both children joined her in the US. The wedding is less than 3 months away and the groom has yet to recieve the final divorce papers. He hopes to recieve them within the month. The simple fact is he never intended on telling the bride about his previous marriage - in fact several members from his immediate family have never been told. Since the invitations have been sent and most of the arrangements made - the groom is pressuring the bride into proceeding with the wedding as planned. I personally feel that the wedding needs to be postponed in order for bride to understand all the details regarding his previous marriage and any possible legal issues that may arise from the divorce including immigration issues which he may have been associated with. At this point the bride is walking into the marrige in the dark. My question: Should they proceed or postpone the wedding?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): Wow, this bride must be very insecure about her finances if she cares about what her man did with another woman in the past. She needs to put her fragile female ego aside and grow up.
I don't blame her fiance for keeping these secrets since she can't handle the truth when she hears it. She is judging him for his past mistakes. He had to lie because otherwise she would not have wanted to be with him. Women have such a double standard about these things. I'm sure she has made a few financial mistakes in the past.
All this happened BEFORE THEY GOT TOGETHER! Doesn't she understand that? She is being a cruel bitch. If she really loved him, she would accept him. All those past mistakes made him the man she loves today.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 September 2010):
 They should postpone, you are absolutely right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2010): YES...YES...a million Yes's to postponing this wedding, if not calling it off altogether. The bride really needs to know exactly what the Groom has become involved with before walking down the aisle - as his behaviour so far doesn't indicate a very OPEN and honest person.
Marrying someone so they can get a green card, plus loans, doesn't seems like marriage material to me. The bride needs to take some steps back and really think about this VERY seriously!
Jilly
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 September 2010):
 Proceeding with the wedding ?? She should just call it off altogether !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2010): Is this even a question? I couldn't even read the entire paragraph (and I make a point of reading entire posts to get the full picture) - it totally sounds like a disaster. There is no way this situation will not lead to her heart being broken. Step in and do your bit - this is a mess and a half!
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (6 September 2010):
 Postpone for sure, god knows what else he isn't telling her.
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