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female
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*ollballcuty
writes: Iv been dating this guy for about 1 month. We are already saying we love each other and I dont think I really do. I like him soo much.. but i have no idea why! Is it normal not to know why? And I always think to myself, ok what is so special about me? He could be with any girl and be just as happy. Then I get depressed and I fear our relationship will soon get boring. It seems like the best part of our relationship is looking into each other's eyes and kissing and saying we love each other. I love when he holds me. I can talk to him. But Im so afraid that that isnt enough. Is it enough? Is our relationship healthy? Should there be more? I feel like all our reltaionship is is holding each other and smiling and complimenting and making each other feel good. But should there be more?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2006): You ask if there should be more to your relationship than looking into each others eyes, compliments, etc. The short answer is - yes, there does need to be more.Saying "I love you" after dating for one month is WAY too soon. It takes a lot of getting to know one another, through good times, and when the going gets tough, and you find out one another's flaws. Then see if you can resolve problems satisfactorily. When people have big disagreements, do they end up feeling resentful, angry, dissed, treated badly - OR does it get worked out so you can both put it behind you and feel good about yourself and your partner?You see, that's when infatuation starts to wear off, and when you begin to discover how compatible you really are, and whether the chemistry is still there. Not only that, but its important to be good friends. To be able to enjoy conversation, or be quiet at home together. Do two people enjoy doing social activities together, either just the two of you, or with mutual friends sometimes? Not that you need to be constantly together! No, you both have independent lives and its important to respect the space you both need. You can't be together 24/7, and it is important to know that when you're apart, you still trust and respect one another, as well as touch base by phone, text or email.Having the same kind of outlook on life (well doesn't have to be exactly the same, but should be compatible). Do you have the same goals for your lives, values and standards? Is there good communication when problems come up, so that you can both listen to what the other is saying, and state your own position, without getting nasty and insulting, (yes, its natural to get angry, but I'm referring to what you could call a style, a habit, if you like, of how you argue.Hope this helps!
A
female
reader, Jess1011 +, writes (30 July 2006):
 Hey there, im having a really similar problem at the moment with my new boyfriend, it just feelis like your not good enough to make him happy but them you should think about it like i do, i just think if he didnt like me he wouldnt be with me, even if they didnt want 2 b mean n leave they wouldnt want 2 c u anymore or still make plans with you!although u feel like your relationship is all hugs and kisses it is acctually better to take it slow n see how things go before making any big decisions and the fact that you wrote that on here shows you are a lovely person and you really want your relationship to work and aslong as you dont start gettin jealous and paranoid you will be fine, take careLove ya x
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