A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:should my boyfriend who is bestman go to his bestfriend wedding ? i am his girlfriend of 20months i had an unforeseen fallout with the bride tobe and now she and her groom have banded me from the wedding. it was a petty disagrement about a party that was at the grooms house nearly 15months ago it is now obvious she didnt know about it . she asked me a question and i said there was a party but you was away. she then called me a liar etc. we four had to part company as we were enjoying a day out with the couple to be . now the groom has not come clean and i have been labeled . my boyfriend who was at the party at the time knows he is lieing but does not seem to want to confront him ! also my boyfriend feels he should still honour his position as best man as they have been friends a long time . i feel that he should stick up and stand by me as he knows the truth. i ask what is the right thing to do in this situation
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2014): Yes don't make him choose (you'll loose)and NEVER spoil a wedding,Leave him go to the wedding ( without you) but remember you are with a person who is willing to let you carry the blame for THEIR lies. I could never ever be with a man who was spineless enough to let his girlfriend carry blame for speaking the truth.
It's really about what type of integrity you want your man to have, obviously some people arn't that bothered.
What is it going to be like in the future, every friend get together ( he goes and you are left out)think on how far you are willing to be treated like a schmuck.
I would finish with him, not because he is going to the wedding without you as best man but because right from the outset he let you carry the can. Who wants a boyfriend like that and friends like that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2014): If the fiancée wants to marry a man who has lied to her about some party then they're not going to have a marriage that is filled with trust. The fact she's blown up on you shows her insecurities and tbh I would be glad not to be going.
Don't make it hard for your bf enjoy being the best man to his best friend, doesn't mean he thinks the girl is right but he just wants to be there for his mate. Put this behind you and be the better person.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2014): i would like to thank everyone for thier comments . i will be the one who holds my head up he can stand by his friend and position at the wedding i have needed this help to see more clearerly. it was only a comment to a statement the bride to be had brought up id only said" there had been a party " this was the first time we had ever been out together! i guess it had been a sore point but i wasnt to know but i do now. I have been upset by the whole episode but i guess life will go on thank you all once again
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (2 June 2014):
 Back again.... this time with a REAL comment..... Largely spurred by those (comments) that have been offered.....
I think this entire issue is between you and your B/F. HE has shown you exactly what is his hierarchy of "friendships" (those others, including the wedding party) and "loveship" (you!)... and it's not pretty.
For as long as it's gone on, your "B/F" has let the spat between you and the other girl go unresolved... AND to your detriment. NOW, it (the spat) has come to its predictable crescendo.... AND he has shown his true "self" to you....
Frankly, I would never tolerate a guy who treated me in this manner.... taking sides - so to speak - to my (your) detriment. Some "boyfriend"!!!!!!
Consider, seriously, breaking things off with him as a result of this. Don't you want to be more important to your "boyfriend" than you, evidently, AREN'T to this one???
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (2 June 2014):
 Sorry - boyfriend. Not husband.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (2 June 2014):
I say just leave it be. He is the best man and I would not interfere with that. I don't think he needs to pick sides in this. At least not when it comes to something so important, such as a wedding.
I believe you should let him go and suck up the ill feelings for this situation. Be the bigger person. Don't punish your husband for a fight that ensued between you and them.
I see where you're coming from and totally get it. However, I always think it's best to be the bigger person when possible.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2014): I understand 100% where you are coming from and would desperately want my boyfriend to stand up for me and veto the wedding. However this is not going to happen. If push comes to shove he is going to go with or without your blessing and if you make a fuss you are going to be labelled as difficult and nasty. Having had a similar xperience and my boyfriend did choose to go the event even though I didn't want him to, I can only say if you make a fuss this will cause problems in the future. You know you are right and the others are lying but it is not worth proving your point because you will be the one that is seen as trouble causing. They won't care that you are right they will just see you as difficult. I suggest you let your boyfriend be best man and do something that day with your friends that takes your mind off it. Go on a spa day and have some me time. I don't suspect that you will be going out in a foursome again and with the atmosphere as it is I don't imagine you would want to go to the wedding anyway. I remember being very firmly told that 'it was not all about ME' and that the world did not revolve around me which I found very upsetting at the time but this is the kind of thing that people will say about you if you don't just bow out gracefully. Let them get on with it, tell your boyfriend to have a good day and that you hope all goes well then you maintain the upper hand and keep your dignity and your boyfriend will be enormously impressed by your maturity.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (2 June 2014):
 If you insist on standing your ground you run the risk of losing your boyfriend.
Encourage your boyfriend to be the Best man. Let him know that you consider it a great honor that he has been chosen as the Best Man.
Swallow your pride and assure your boyfriend that you have made alternative plans for the day.
Do nothing to ruin the day for the bride, the groom, the wedding party and the Best Man.
Make no move to say anything to the bride, the groom and all the guests at the wedding.
Be a loving and kind and understanding girlfriend and your boyfriend will appreciate your maturity in this situation.
But try to prevent the Best Man from attending the wedding will result in your name being mud. It would be unforgiveable to try to ruin the day. The victory would be hollow indeed.
Rise above this by making plans to see some long term friends who are Not attending the wedding, and do NOT discuss the wedding at all, during the evening you spend with friends.
It will be a sacrifice for love. Hopefully your boyfriend will see that your choice is the mature response.
.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 June 2014):
 I'll answer this question with a question:
Do you love your boyfriend??
This is one of those moments in your life where being right may cost too much. It's true, you may be right. It's true that you may feel that your boyfriend should stay with you out of moral support, and in that, you may be right. It's true you simply want to hurt the bride and hurt the wedding, and you may feel right.
However, in this case, being "right" will cost you your relationship. This is one of those times where we set aside our "rightness" for the good of the institution of marriage and honored promises. This is one of those times where you don't use your boyfriend as the instrument of being right in order to hurt the bride.
If you love your boyfriend, you will never ever ask him to thwart his obligation to be best man. Think of it as playing the long game. Showing mercy and grace sometimes is far better than being right. Standing tall and allowing your payment for being right to be the smug smile you can't help but let out at the moment you're vindicated, instead of the ruins of friendships and your relationship with your boyfriend because of your emotional bloodlust for vengeance.
Let your boyfriend go. It's said in the bible that if you repay good for evil, it's like heaping burning coals on the head of those who wrong you. Even if you're not religious, that philosophy can tear hearts and reduce those who have wronged you to tears, because you could have f***ed up the wedding, but you instead choose the path of maturity.
The long game requires patience, but is more rewarding.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 June 2014):
These "questions" don't deserve an adult reading and answer. The two of you need to work this out..... NOT HERE!!!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 June 2014):
 I agree.
YOU are making this about YOU and a "petty" fight 15 months ago, but YOU are the one being petty.
I can see that they decided to NOT want you there for the reason that whatever happened 15 months ago cause drama that THEY (the bride and groom) don't want to deal with.
Besides WHY would you even WANT to go if you and the bride can't stand each other? And WHY should your BF stand up for you OVER being his Best Friend's Best Man?
YOU are making this about YOU. IT ISN'T. It's about a couple who doesn't want drama at their wedding. THAT means excluding you.
Take the high road and act your age.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2014): "i ask what is the right thing to do in this situation"
Bow out gracefully and don't put your boyfriend in the position of having to choose between his best friend and you unless you are prepared to come in second.
Forcing the best man to withdraw at the last minute due to some petty inconsequential disagreement will only serve to piss off ALL of the bride and groom's friends and you'll be seen as the bad guy whether or not you believe you were in the right.
Whatever happened was over a year ago. Give it a rest. Life's too short.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 June 2014):
The right thing to do here is to not be selfish and put your bf in a position to have to make that choice. Sorry to be harsh but it's such an obvious answer.
Let him go without making him feel guilty, you can be happy knowing that 3 out of 4 people know you're not lying.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2014): Ah, the loyalty battle - a girlfriend of 20 months, or a best friend of several years?
Are you willing to be the girlfriend who refuses to allow the boyfriend she loves to be the BEST MAN to his BEST FRIEND because of a petty argument that won't be settled because it's between the couple, not you and/or your boyfriend. It's not your boyfriend's duty to step in - YOU need to drop it; it's none if your business, to be fair.
Please just drop it and let your boyfriend ignore it.
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