A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 21, and I have a problem with my self-esteem. I never had a boyfriend or kissed a guy, which slightly bothers me (not much though), but my issue is that I continue to be afraid of dressing up to look good because I hate when people leer at my body, yet when I don't get looked at I get disappointed. It's so dumb and I hate how I rely on validation from others, but I guess we're all like that in some way. I always dress pretty plainly, and I would like to have an edgier style but I'm too afraid. I would like to be more confident in my body and feel more attractive, and be free in myself but it's just so painfully hard.I would love to have a boyfriend, and I haven't found anyone yet who I'm interested in, but I'm just too insecure to feel like I could get a boyfriend. I do have OCD and depression, which does not help the situation, but I want to know how to increase my really low self-esteem. To change my mentality on my self-image.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 June 2014):
 Glad to head you are working on the OCD and depression.
A
female
reader, Jaeger12 +, writes (2 June 2014):
Hi there, I have always been a little self conscious about myself. Not my looks but more the way I dress. Like you I can't stand people stirring at me so I dress quite plainly. One thing I didn't realise was that by dressing quite plainly I was actually standing out! I was perfectly comfortable in 'normal' 'boring' clothes and never felt a need nor want to dress up and this seemed to be attractive to guys. In saying that, I would like to be fashionable and have a style but I have grown to be comfortable in being myself! I think it is true what they say about only really dressing to impress other women, most men don't even know what the trends are anyway. Point being. The best thing you can do is try learn to be confident in yourself. Dress in what you are comfortable in and if you are comfortable in it, learn to accept that and grow your confidence from there. Depression doesn't help when it comes to body image. So make sure you are getting the help for that. But honestly, it is all about your frame of mind! I can be a complete and utter scruff at times and still attract someone because I am confident in my scruffy clothes. It seems to give off this mystery woman type thing, like why is she happy, why doesnt she want to impress? because i dont need to impress. The right boy will be attracted to your personality not your dress sense/body. Sorry to ramble on but as i say I suffered from this myself then when I got older I just realised the most attractive trait was being confident in yourself!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2014): @honeypie I am in therapy, have been for the past 3 years on and off, and it has definitely brought my OCD (which mostly deals with fear of contamination and sickness, violent and disgusting obsessive thoughts, and performing rituals) and mild depression under control, that's why I think it's time to start improving my self esteem. I'm not an emotional wreck like I was 4-5 years ago when I was first diagnosed.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 June 2014):
OK honey. Boyfriends should be the last on your to do list for now.
You say you have OCD, which type and are you in therapy? Top that off with depression, have you been diagnosed with it, been to a doctor, tried meds/therapy to deal with it?
OR are you hoping these thing will go away on their own, you will out grow them?
Because they don't. You really SHOULD look into first dealing with the depression and then CBT to manage your OCD. Once yo have BOTH under control, working on the self esteem will be a LOT easier.
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