A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I remarried 7 years ago after raising my 4 children alone for 10 years.I mananged all the bills alone for all that time with no help from my ex.Money wasn't really talked about with my second husband i just presumed he would contribute.In the beginning he didn't contribue because he had a vast amount of debt from a failed buisness.I sorted most of that out for him.Since then money has always been a issue.When i requested help he would eventually hand money over but it always felt like he was doing me a huge favour.Im very independent and felt be-little by this so i avoided the subject.He always paid for nights out for me and him,but i felt he resented putting money into the household because the children aren't his.All my children are grown up and working and they all happily give me housekeeping money.My son has sky,phone and internet,all of which he pays for himself.We all have computers and we all use the phone,so in fairness i suggested we all split the bill between us.All the kids agreed with this but my husband had a hissy fit and refused.He won't discuss it and quite frankly i can't even bear to look at him.I really really don't understand this.Do some people just not want to pay their way.To make matters worst he is seriously ill with cancer.So i feel even less inclined to say anything else.I already feel quilty because we had a huge row over this.What do i do,shall i just let it go or make a stand.Most people would not descibe me as a pushover,but am i behaving like one.I don't know,im confused.Sorry this is so long.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): Strange he's acting like a child when your own children are willing to pay! funny that isn't it?? If he has money then he should pay
A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (15 June 2008):
 You said he is seriously ill with cancer. Is he able to work and does he have a regular income?
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A
female
reader, Saira_R +, writes (15 June 2008):
This is a horrible situatio to be in, especially when he's so ill.
But I think its clear that he's in the wrong. Regardless of whether the kids are his or not, he has to contribute fairly - unless he doesnt have the money to do so, otherwise it would be understandable. But the children argument is lame, I'm sure he's been around your children long enough to have some kind of attachment to them.
It sounds to me that he's just having his cake and eating it. It's unfair that you helped him out with all his debts in the beggining and now he seems to have forgotten you're generosity.
Money shouldn't cause problems, as personal reationships are much more important than that.
My family members would gladly given up thier money for me, because its just not that important in the wider scheme of things.
I think you need to sit down with him and explain to him that he needs to help out more, WITHOUT making you feel like your begging for the money.
Ask him to provide a certain amount from his paycheck each month, as soon as he gets it, to avoid any problems - and without putting up a fight.
It's your right, and you shouldn't feel guilty.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): he is being selfish. i htink you should confront him, this is your life together and he needsto contribute without mkaing you feel bad about getting whats right. good luck.
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