A
male
age
,
*yonsdown
writes:I've been with my girl for 6 years now.She knows about my fetish for rubber clothing.We do normal things together ,like cinema, restaurants. But I want to experience a fetish club, which she's not into.I've asked her to go with me, just once is all I'm asking.She thinks it's not right I ask her as I know it's not her scene.I'm not looking to do anything there other than walk around and maybe dance to music.Am I being unfair to ask her to go with me? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (18 April 2015):
 It's not unfair to ask, but it is unfair not to respect her decision.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 April 2015):
 You can ask, and SHE can say no thanks. After that YOU ought to respect her no.
She certainly do NOT have to accommodate YOUR fetish. I can't stand American football (sorry) but I love ice-hokey - if my husband wanted to go to a football game I would NOT feel obligated to go and I would NOT expect him to feel like he HAS to go to an ice-hokey game with me.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (18 April 2015):
 I don't think it's unfair to ASK her, but once she says she's not comfortable, that's when you should respect her feelings on the matter.
Your partner is uncomfortable with the whole idea, so I would stop pushing it and just let it be. Is it ideal to you that she would be all about going and experiencing that with you? Sure. But it's not her cup of tea and it certainly isn't everyone's. I would be quite uncomfortable with the whole thing, too. So I see where she's coming from. You just have to respect each others boundaries and comfort zones. She's not comfortable with the idea, so just don't push it on her. She will appreciate that.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (18 April 2015):
NOPE... She should totally go..and find someone who does not want her to do something she does not want to do...Yep...That would be AWESOME.
Just then...and maybe...you will know how she feels :)
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (18 April 2015):
 Iis "UNFAIR" to ask anyone to do anything they are uncompfortable with. If, she's not into a club scene then you have to respect her feelings... No if ands or but about it. Only a real cad would force someone they care about to get involved with something they are not ready for. I hope that was a direct enough answer. Good Luck with your future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2015): I don't understand why you expect her to put herself in a situation she most obviously feels uncomfortable withIf it were me I would imagine that my partner wanted the excitement of seeing the women there who will no doubt ve dressed up in allThe gear and it would only serve to make me feel totally horrible about myself and gbe fact that you are clearly not saying ied with mySexuality and the things we do together . I would feel TOTALLY unsexy .Why would I want to subject myself to that ?Isn't it enough for men that that have porn available of every single woman and fetish they can possibly imagine , without making us feel that our real life shared sexual experiences are not satifying enough for them ?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 April 2015):
 How long has she known about your fetish?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (17 April 2015):
You ask her once, and if she went, then what? What if you have a great time and want to go again?
You have the right to ask her and she has the right to say no. There is no right or wrong here.
It's just one of those times where someone will be unhappy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2015): If your girlfriend is in your age-group, that's an awful big request you're putting out there.
Why insist on it if she's not into it? That sort of thing is not for the faint of heart, and it's highly alternative.
Unless she's into it, what pleasure would she derive from it? From an inexperienced spectator's perspective, it can be a frightening freak-show!
Alternative clubs like that are often members-only, and don't particularly appreciate onlookers or gawkers. It's a private gathering for active-participants. If she has seen videos, it might help; or have the opposite effect. It just might be traumatic for her, my dear sir!
She accepts it from you. Others deep into it may overwhelm her; and turn her against it altogether. You have no control over the behavior and how far others go in such environments.
My advice? Don't push it!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (17 April 2015):
 Maybe she thinks you are going to admire those women in rubber clothing and she just stands there feeling jealous and neglected. It's a similar thing as going to a strip club. She feels she is not enough for you. It's good that you ask her rather than just going there alone. What you think is an art form to enjoy, she thinks is objectifying women.
If I don't like baseball and my husband wants me to go, I would, for him. A fetish club isn't the same. It belongs to the dark side and it could make people uncomfortable. You tried, she's firm about not going. I have a feeling that if you want her to be happy then don't even go. I think a 6 year relationship and her happiness is more important than the fetish. Only you can decide if you can live without that fetish.
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