A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please don't judge me on this, but I'm falling for an older married man. I see everyday and can't avoid him (tried not possible). At first I noticed him watching me all the time, then he would offer to help me out all the time which I admit always accepted, now I feel we flirt not just chat to each other.Before Christmas we almost kissed but someone came in so we didn't.After that I avoided him and didn't even say Hi to him. Even though we still seen each other almost everyday. I thought I had a hold of feelings so started being friendly again and I feel I am falling for him all over again. How do I stop having feelings for him? Get over this crush, that's all it is as he is married and 20 years older and a boss! 3 clear reasons why we can't. Yet I can't turn my feelings off.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (23 April 2015):
My advice comes from experience. I like older men and have had attention from some older married men. I'm OK with harmless flirting but regardless of age, if it becomes more than just fun...be careful!This is a married man PLUS he's a boss. So 2 negatives there. You could lose your job or your working life may become unpleasant if anything happens and ends in disaster (and it would). He's lovely wife may confront you etc Or maybe he's just out for fun and if you turn him down, he'll move onto someone else. I've met men like this. Either way this is a no go area! HE'S MARRIED! So stay away from him! Don't humiliate yourself by doing something you'll regret with him. Being his bit on the side ain't worth it missus! Getting attention from a hot older man is amazing believe me I know but there are PLENTY of single older guys out there to choose from. This one is not worth your time or effort. Don't envy his wife either, feel sorry for her being with a man like him flirting and doing goodness knows what else, with other women. You're better than this hun, I'm sure. Move on and avoid him at all costs! You'll look back and be glad you did!
A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (18 April 2015):
 From knowing married men who have affairs, you are a perfect victim that such men look for. They reason that you are lonely because no single dude wants a girl with a baby, you are financially strapped so you can be hooked, and since no single dude wants you they can string you along by giving you crums of hope that he will leave his wife for you which, of course, will never happen. You are being played by an emotional crook however I don't know how to tell you not to fall for his con other then to be impolite and blunt by describing what's going on inside his mind. Now, his words will be much sweeter to you but all of them will be a lie because what I described above has already gone through his head, he profiled you and all he has to do is close the sale on you, which he is very close to doing. You have to be strong to resist because nothing good will come out of this for you. Also understand that by getting in a sack with him you are also complicit in ruining a marriage of some other unsuspecting woman, his wife.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2015): I am you fast forward two years...
Please do not do this to yourself.
It will not end well. The whole affair will break your heart. HE will break your heart. Please trust me.
You don't want to start this. You are in time to walk away. It is two years for me and I still can't. I love him. And the fact I love him and cannot be with him because he has a WIFE he won't leave has destroyed all my self esteem, my happiness, my security, my emotional health, my physical health, my relationship with family and friends and my whole life has spiralled out of control because of this unhealthy addiction.
Keep yourself sane, healthy and happy. Don't ruin yourself over a man you will never have.
Many women go in thinking they can have fun, they have it all under control and are happy with the way things are. It rarely turns out that way. Feelings grow especially once sex is involved. He will always have his wife. You will have nothing. And end up feeling used. He cannot use you without your permission. Remember that.
Move onto better things. It is not too late for you like it is for me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2015): Jennipeg - I'm only 26, so no I haven't been single for a long time. It's only been a year since I left my daughter's father.Thanks to the other poster:I know there are a million reasons why I should be running well away from this man. With a clear head I know that.I have a 2 year old though so not as easy to just walk away from my job, until i find a new one. Keep telling myself it can't happen.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 April 2015):
 I'd look for a new job asap.
And consider if you are focusing on this crush as a way to avoid something else going on in your life?
Aversion therapy, put a rubber band (elastic) around your wrist and *snap* it every time you start to fantasize about him.
Practice mindfulness.
Oh, and the real answer?
Get yourself away from a guy who is obviously willing to be a cheating spouse and has found a young and naive target.
No one can turn their feelings off.... but they can sit quietly and pay attention and see what is happening in their lives.
Look for a new job asap!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 April 2015):
 Maybe you've been single for a long time and he's the closest you could get when it comes to companion? Is there a difficulty for you to meet other guys?
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