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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Should my boyfriend and I keep our baby or give it up for adoption?I am 15 years old and pregnant by my 16 year old boyfriend. Both of our parents know and want us to decide on what to do with the baby when it's born. At first, my boyfriend wanted me to get an abortion. I told him that I don't want to, so he stopped pressuring me about it. We're now down to two options. After taking doctor visits together, my boyfriend and I have thought about keeping the baby. He said he wants to keep it, but he's worried he wont be a good father because he's so young. I feel closer and closer to this baby everyday and I don't think I can give it up once I've had it. I love my boyfriend and he loves me. He said if we keep the baby, he'll get a job to support us and he'll always be there for me and the baby because there's no way his mother would let him abandon his own baby and her first grandchild. Me, my boyfriend, his my mother, and my parents had a meeting together and he made a promise to always be there for the baby if we keep it. I made the same promise, but should we keep it or give it up?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): I would love to talk to you about your option of adoption if this is in your plans! My husband and I have a dream of adopting a baby. I want to tell you about this. Please have peace in your heart and mind that we will love your baby and give them the life that you would dream your child would have. We would never take for granted the gift you have given us, your child. It will be a privilege to be entrusted with the responsibility of raising your child. We will be dedicated to raise them to have to be a child you would be proud of.To tell you a little about me and Frank. We have been married for 5 years, we both have stable government Job. We own a beautiful home in Florida. We both have big family's, so the baby would have a large extended family. There is many Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Two sets of Grandparents and the baby would also a have the most beautiful Sister named Michelle that is 26 years old.Please, If you have anything you would like to know about us just ask!!!! I know that this is is a very bad and scary time for you and you have so many things to think about, but know we are here if you need us! In the mean time please feel free to go to my MYSPACE page were there is much more Information about us as well as photos. (www.myspace.com/clearwatermaillady) I have so much more I would like to tell you about us, so please e-mail me back if you like. I pray god has a plan for us all and he leads you down the right path.Sincerely,Connie
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (1 March 2009):
 You are blessed to have both your parents and your boyfriend's mother supporting your decision, be it keeping the baby or giving it up (with an open adoption option). This is their way of saying: Right, you made a mistake. Now you have to face the consequences as adults. In terms of "responsibilities", you are officially an adult now. Congratulations! I also think that you did well in "not punishing" baby for it's mom and dad's [that be you and your b/f] mistake.
The second step, as "adults", is that you must draw your roles and responsibilities as adults, in the two options namely, adoption or keeping it.
I am very biased on this one, because I am a product of an adoption that went really well. I know my birth parents and my birth siblings, but I feel no special attachement to them at all. If I had stayed with my birth parents, I would not have had access to good education as I did have, growing up raised by my very loving adopted parents. They were not well off, particularly when my adopted mother had to quit work so she could look after me (I had undiagnosed ADHD so she always had to be creative to make sure my energy was "spent" positively each day).
I think you have lots of advice already relating to adoption, so I am not going to go there now this posting.
Should you wish to keep your baby, however, you, your b/f, your parents, and your b/f's mother, need to sit down again (perhaps many times) to come to an agreement on what roles each would play to support you. This is very very important right now, because love alone may not be sufficient.
For instance, put notes on index cards. Put the cards in columns 6 columns (actually, you are making a matrix here). The first column reads "responsibilities". The second to the sixth columns represent the person (your parents, you, your b/f, his mother).
Under the first column, put a card "diaper purchase" and the next card on this row, lets put "nov 09" in a card under your parents columm, then "dec 09" under your b/f's column. Basically, each month, different people has the responsibility of purchasing diapers for the baby. Under resposibilities column, you could also put down, visit to clinic, visit to paediatrician, etc etc etc.
Remember, you also need to think that you are still continuing school, be it as it is now or home schooling. And preferrably, to college too. Put those responbility issues in the table/matrix too.
I hope you and your b/f will stay together, but in the slim chance that you and him breakup, you still have that matrix as a basis of sharing the responsibilities as part of the current mutual agreement to keep the child.
You will be tired, you will be frustrated, you will cry from time to time, you will question yourself why you took this decision. But you will NOT regret bringing an innocent human being into this earth. And you will make sure that s/he will be protected, safe, healthy, and most of all, loved.
Good luck, the both of you. And do not ever forget to thank your parents and your b/f's mother for being there for you.
Cat
With all your family already behind you, to support
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A
female
reader, XxAnGelXxx +, writes (1 March 2009):
 And you know what, dont listen to the other people who are suggesting adoption, or whatever, as I said its solely down to you and your fella. People have mentioned financial difficulties and what if you break up, hey, the same things happen to people in their 40's!
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A
female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (1 March 2009):
 Honestly, I suggest adoption.
I know he thinks he'll go out and get a job, but the most he's ever going to make until he gets an education is about $10 an hr, and babies cost much, much more than that. It would be your parents and his who would end up paying for that child.
You are a child yourself, and this is the biggest responsibility you will ever face. There are some adults who can't even handle a baby.
I just think of all the loving couples out there, waiting to be told there is a beautiful, healthy baby that needs their love and support. No one says you cannot love this child, or that you would not be a mommy full of love. But this is a big task, and I think you should seriously consider giving this baby a greater life than you and your BF can afford.
The other problem that comes in is if you keep this baby, and later you and your BF break up, you are looking at a very sticky, very nasty custody battle, one that he could potentially win since pregnancy and child rearing won't be keeping him out of work the same way it would for you.
I have no doubts that your families would be supportive, and that this child would be very loved, but it takes so much more than love. In the end, just stand by your decision, but my opinion is that adoption is a great option for you to consider.
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A
female
reader, XxAnGelXxx +, writes (1 March 2009):
Seriously, there's no point in asking on here whether you should keep your baby or not, it's not a decision that should be made by anyone except yourself and your boyfriend, so really think about it and talk every single little thing over with your fella. Good luck and I wish you all the best huni :) xangelx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009): i no how you feel. i got prengant young too. i kept my baby and it turned out great. we have a awesome life and she loves me. i think we are closer that other moms and children because my age is closer to hers. i would keep it.
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