A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a mother of a 24 year old son, I can honestly say he was a great kid . He didn't get into much trouble as a teen and has always been very respectful. I come from a big family and a lot of them will say how great he was and is.He has been dating his gf for almost two years and she is a Sweetheart. In April we went on an extended family vacation , my family along with my brother and sister and their families all went for a week to Jamaica. I have never been embarrassed of my son until this trip. He got drunk 5 out of the 7 evenings we were there, I tried to look past it and think he's young, he is just having fun but unfortunately that was probably his best behaviour of the trip. He completely embarrassed himself and showed no self respect or respect towards his gf. He would make out with her in front of everyone , grabbing at her body and groping her all the time. One evening he practically tried to finger her while laying on beach chairs around the pool. He was always putting his hands down her bikini and kissing her chest. He joked openly about how sexy her body was, she is a very beautiful girl and take great care and respect for her body but these things are meant to be private. I over heard him talking about their sex life more then once while we were there. I never had a Facebook account until my niece started one so she could show me pictures of our trip and I was shocked at the things my son had on his Facebook.Pictures of his gf on our trip and wrote things like "look at her sexy ass" it's just degrading to see him this way. We spend a lot of time with them and I have never seen him this way before. I know he is an adult but I think it should be addressed or shouldI just mind my business
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2016): With respect to other aunt(s), I would talk to him but would never use derogatory terms (like disappointment). I would ask open questions and want to understand. You raised him but I doubt that you know all aspects of his personality. His behavior is screaming insecurity. He's frustrated. He may feel not good enough for this girl. I am not justifying him, but I am fairly confident that if you "attack" him that he'll get even more stubborn. It would be bad taste if he were showing of with a car, but this is disgusting, I get it. However, to some extent the gf shares the responsibility since she's tolerating this behavior! I mean, had he done it just TWICE to my daughter he'd be out of the picture immediately. (first time he would be warned). And I think that my daughter is just normal, nothing else.So, they both engage in an unhealthy relationship. Maybe she's mistaking he's showing off with her for love? Maybe she's going along for fear of abandonment? Maybe she enjoys the attention? Drinking is another thing.I don't know how much you know about his everyday life (when not on vacation) but drinking could be a part of it. Maybe not as excessive as it was during your vacation, but still enough to worry anyone. Maybe he was a content and reasonably happy kid, but from what you're describing at this moments he sounds like an unhappy, frustrated and selfish adult. But, I'd tell him how much I loved and cared for him and then just asked and listened if he's willing to talk. If not, leave an open door. Don't push it. You don't want to chase him away. And that can happen.Some people go through a phase of blaming their parents for their shortcomings and I've seen plenty of it! Oddly enough none of the parents had seen it coming and all of them were utterly surprised by their children's "accusations". Honestly, in most cases there was some truth to it, since parents shape who we are, but being an adult is taking responsibility and your son sounds like someone who's trying to run from it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2016): He's 24 not 18,19... and should know how to behave around family on a family holiday! It's definitely not making out on sun loungers engaging in foreplay. You should have taken him aside the first moment he displayed such behaviour and said firmly that it's unacceptable. I know people, and parents, who if this was their son and he's trying to shove his hands down her bikini then a bucket of cold water would've gone their way and the words "cool down until you get a room - none of us want to see that" would've been shouted across.
As for how he is speaking about his gf, again that needs addressing and I think he has probably been doing this for years but because you're not on Facebook until now, you've never seen it. You have to tell him how disgusted you are at his attitude and that he is treating her like an object. He embarrassed himself with this attitude and comes across as a complete prick really and how you word that to him will take some thinking. There are people arguing this is a generational thing and that she might not be that bothered - I'm only 26 and would, and have, come back at anyone thinking it's ok to have such a sexist attitude. Of course I've seen it in this generation but it's not an excuse and there are people capable of treating women better than an object and he is perfectly capable of doing so too.
Sounds like he got far too drunk and you saw the side to him only his friends usually see, as he then slipped into habits he has formed.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 May 2016):
 I agree with Caring Aunty A, there is a HUGE "trend" in how people today portrait themselves in person and even more so online, that seems uncouth, self centered and downright rude.
I would take him aside and have a chat. Sure he is a grown up, but his behavior IS NOT that of a grown up MAN or a respectful BF. And I BET!! not how he was raised by you.
I would not (as a parent) look the other way. I think because you ARE a woman, standing up for his GF and pointing out how derogatory and disrespectful his behavior was/is - is essential, because his "peers" (men his age) this it's so cool. Which, it's not.
YOU never stop being his mom. While you can't "control" him or "tell" him what to you, you CAN tell him HOW disappointed you are with his behavior and WHY.
His poor GF probably didn't enjoy being treated this way either, but didn't want to spoil a family vacation.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (20 May 2016):
 I believe it’s their generation to be rude crude and boasting about it in social media… Some have no censor button when it comes to groping in public or going on Facebook to share pictures of someone’s (sexy) arse etc. This has nothing to do with how you raised him.
Take out the fact that he’s your 24yr old son in this situation… and you’ll find just another poorly behaved individual of their generation, who thinks it’s grand to blab about their prowess in the bedroom and show off (degrade) their good looking girlfriend with posting sexy images of her. Perhaps you’ve noticed she didn’t object to the photos or request they be deleted? So what does that say?
Be that he is a young and having fun to you, he still is a young MAN just the same who should know how to behave and pull out his manners at his age! There’s a time and a place for everything especially groping girlfriends etc. And whilst not every Mother wants to hear or see disrespectful behaviour in their children, I can understand your disappointment.
Yes you can mind your own business and brush it off as their crude generation or broach the subject of his behaving badly. However those situations are always best dealt with on the spot not day’s weeks later.
A simple firm voice (in private) would have done to express your point there and then. You wouldn’t have ruined his fun and to bad if you had. It’s time he got told how to act accordingly if he hasn’t figured it out.
Of course you can talk to him about his expected conduct at future family gatherings, to exclude his talk about his sex life and any other embarrassing behaviours.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 May 2016):
 This is a difficult one because as you said he is an adult. The thing is how did his girlfriend react to this? Do you think she was shocked and embarrassed or do you think she was happy enough with the attention?
By all means you can tell him how disappointed you where that he behaved like that on holiday, but also I would cut him some slack and allow it to blow over, as you said he has been a great son, and it is not the worst he could have done.
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