A
female
age
30-35,
*onnieblueeyes
writes:The title question should sum it up nicely, but I guess I'll go ahead and tell a little more depth.While I'm still a virgin, my boyfriend is about a year younger than me, and has had three sexual partners. It doesn't bother me that he's not a virgin, and he has never attempted to pressure me into sex, so that's not the issue.Of the three girls he's had intercourse with, he still speaks semi-regularly with two of them. One of them is a good friend of his (which I respect, since I'm friends with a couple of my own exes).The other one, however, is a pretty nasty customer. I knew him before we dated, when they were still together: she would control him, and would get jealous if he talked to anyone but her (this INCLUDED guys), saying he was probably bi and wanted to cheat on her with them. Also, during one of his attempts to break it off with her, she attempted to make the claim that she was pregnant so that he would stay with her.(Did I mention that during all of this, she was only 14?)I honestly can't figure out WHY he is still friends with her... I mean, in a fit of rage at me after a fight, my boyfriend talked to her on the phone and told her all about our relationship problems.He has since apologized profusely for all of this, so that's not really a key point I don't suppose; just giving a better idea of the kind of person she is, and the weird communication they keep.I just don't understand how or why he still answers her calls and chats via online messages with her, unless it's from sympathy(?) It bothers me slightly; I feel one-upped, since she's had intimacy with him (as terrible as she was, he allowed it), while I haven't.I haven't said much about these discomforts to him. Should I be reacting the way I am? Am I jealous? Why hasn't he tried 'advancing' sexually to me, or does it just mean that he respects me more than he respected her? Am I paranoid?Any suggestions greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, lovejunkie  +, writes (4 October 2008):
 Sounds like these women are his "back up plan" for when things are not going well between the two of you, or he's feeling horny. Men only remain "close" friends with an ex for the sex. In my opinion, there is no place for an ex in the present unless there's child support and vistation rights involved. You've got your work cut out for you. Good luck.
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