A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for 9 months. But the other day I found out that she has slept with another man after we were together. It was about a month into our relationship. And it was when I was out of town and some guy she had had encounters with before called her and it happened. She isn't happy about it and neither am I, but she says that was before I was exclusive. But I know it happened after our anniversary date, so what? Should I change the date? I almost feel cheated on, and it kind of hurts that it took this long for her to tell me. Should I worry? Or am I just being too critical?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): Thanks for the feedback.
Vow, this is very difficult; You are not going to like what I am saying;
BUT
vow, to me "personally"; I see red lights flashing!
I wish, I could give you a quick "fix" or easy solution; but I am afraid, you will have to "take stock".
If she willingly out off her own opened up, vow, I would put a lot of value and credibility to that;
BUT
As I mentioned in my origanal posting; YOU need to do "introspection"; You have to decide! Can you FORGIVE and FORGET?
My thoughts are with you.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt came up after some drinking the other night. She said something about it being at a certain time, then I called her out on it. I had known about the guy before. But I didn't know that it had happened after she met me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): You have my empathy.
BUT
Only YOU can make the decision here;
You need to be honest with yourself; can you FORGIVE and (very important) FORGET;
if this will be in the back of your mind all the time; you might have difficulties in future with trust issues; sometimes people tend to think they are okay with something like this; then with an argument, and vow, it comes up again;
Don't rush into a decision; BUT whatever you do; do not just ignore this as if it never happened. You need to deal with it and talk about it no matter which way you decide to go with the relationship.
I suggest:
No matter how difficult this will be; you need to do some SOUL SEARCHING, some introspection and ONLY then will you know if you can MOVE FORWARD with this relationship or if you need to MOVE ON.
Just as a matter of interest; did she tell you out of her own or did you find out by accident? The answer to this will have an influence on me, if I had to be in your situation.
My thoughts are with you.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (13 August 2008):
 I certainly don't think that you are being critical, she cheated on you after you were together. Some people just get over being cheated on, sweep it under the carpet like it never happened. Others never quite get over it, its always on their mind, and they find it hard even impossible to ever trust their partners again. relationships are all about trust, if you have not got the trust there then its like building a house without the foundations, it will eventually fall down. If you feel you can trust her again and are 100% sure she won't do this again next time you are out of town then carry on, but if you can't then maybe its time to move on.
All the best
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (13 August 2008):
 I can see your dillema here for sure. And i can see what she is saying too.
I had met a guy yrs ago, swapped numbers, txt a couple of times, then slept with someone i had been chatting to for some months, then met up with the other guy again a couple of weeks later after more txt, and ended up being with him 2 yrs. When he cottoned on about the other guy (he thought it happened long before i met him, which i had never actually said) and he found it hard to deal with. It was like i said to him, i had no idea at that point if we would end up seeing each other again, let alone be together that long!
But your situ is slightly different i know, but if she had only been with you a month i can see what she's saying about the not knowing yet if you 2 were going to be exclusive. So i would go out of my way to put it behind you both now, especially if you have no reason to think she would ever cheat on you.
I expect she wishes it hadn't happened like i did back then, but we cant turn the clock back can we. Would be nice if we could ey!
C xxxxx
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