A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a guy for about two months now. Everything has been going great. He's affectionate, caring, etc. We've dated before a few years ago and it didn't work out. He had cheated on me with a very permiscuous chick who has a reputation for using drugs and having sex for money. I forgave him because he seems to have made a lot of changes in himself and this round with him has been far different. He's introduced me to family, bonded with my kids, claims me to everyone etc. We had a talk a few weeks ago where he volunteered information about his past. Says he's slept with over sixty women and once paid for sex but that he's in a different place in his life today and regrets it all. Everything is kosher usually. When we go to his friend's houses he hangs all over me, which I don't really prefer but just go with it I guess. The only time he is different is when his brother's girlfriend comes around. His brother and his girl argue a lot. She has five kids with five men and according to my boyfriend they met through an escort service and started dating. Whenever she comes around my boyfriend stares at her like dang near nonstop, they talk to each other and don't really acknowledge anyone else. They follow each other around etc. He laughs at her jokes that aren't even funny. Before I even met her he was pulling up her online photos to show me her fifty selfies for no reason other then to do so I guess. He talks about her daily even though it's usually not nice stuff. Even the eye contact they make makes me uncomfortable considering I pay attention to stuff like that hardcore and notice that in a group of five six people no one else makes any eye contact at all but the two of them so I guess I just find it awkward. It really makes me uncomfortable when they disappear for a few minutes here and there casually. No matter where we are or what we're doing with his whole family around they seem to only acknowledge each other. Even when we're sitting around with his parents and she comes over to sit by herself in silence he still stairs at her a lot. I've been working on my elegance for myself, trying to be more lady like etc. And I'm wondering if he as a boyfriend even appreciates that about me. Or maybe I'm being irrational and should encourage their friendship, I dunno. I would be very uncomfortable if they were alone for an extended period. Do I seem paranoid or does this sound like disrespect? All opinions and experiences appreciated! I'm twenty nine and he's going on forty
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female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (14 June 2017):
 You really need to be strong and follow your gut here.
You're doing yourself a massive disservice by letting him disrespect you this badly. Yes that IS unhealthy interest in a ggirl that ISNT his girlfriend. YES it is flirting.
Maybe he does see himself in her. That's just increasing his interest in her though.
HONESTLY- regardless of the stuff above anyway the big teller is that he OGLES her pics online.. there is NO ambiguity to that. That is what men do when they are sexually attracted.
When they do it in front of their gfs, that means they are sleazy and have don't respect their girlfriends.
PLEASE, be strong, follow your gut and save yourself the headache and the heartache.
Dont feel trapped and stay cos you feel there wont be anyone else. There will be and there are more loyal and thoughtful men out there. You just have to work on building yourself up and be patient.
you DO deserve better
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2017): I am the original poster. I decided to talk to him about it but he completely denies it. He says that he's just being nice to her because it's his brother's girl but seemingly everyone else in the family doesn't like her and wants the brother to move on from her. I'm not saying I think he should agree or be mean to her but I just find it weird she gets along with no one else but him, not even her own boyfriend. I just find it weird that the first time she ever came around we were visiting his parents, watching the kids play on a four wheeler and she came walking up out of no where to greet him, then he went inside with her and everyone else for a good twenty minutes leaving me out back to babysit a bunch of kids on my own. I blew it off that day but it just seems to continue. The other day when they were flirting hardcore at his house and ignoring everyone else she was really talkative and friendly but his dad pulled up on a bike and she causally went to the car without saying a word and sat there until her boyfriend finally said his goodbyes and left. It's like she don't like Dad or something. Which is probably why she sits quietly in the corner at their house. But still don't explain the oh so great friendship with my so called boyfriend who oogles her nonstop and trash talks her. Maybe he sees himself in her or maybe it's for the sake of his brother seeing who she is I dunno, mainly because he completely denies that he was even flirting with her. I told him I needed space because I think it's a double red flag the way he responded with a lack of care. I'm a 29 year old lady who's girly and in shape; I'm pretty sure I know what flirting looks like.
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (1 June 2017):
You obviously cant trust him- for good reason. He cheated before and whatever BS he spews or even if he denies it to himself, he is showing a very unhealthy amount of interest in this girl who ISNT his gf... why would he evem think to show you selfies of her?? And constantly talking about her.. bad bad signs
This isnt just your gut talking, this looks bad on paper..
You may have feelings and a history but dont kid yourself, look at both their characters. He isnt respecting you.
Why put up with it? He has shown you dont deserve after his trust after he cheated with some drugbag.
If it was me I would get myself out of this mess and look for a more deserving man
Take care
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 June 2017):
 They have a sexual past. That would be my guess. They are watching each other to see if the other spill the beans.
It might also BE that he SEES in HER (the brother's GF) a younger version of himself. Someone who was VERY promiscuous and he might worry about his brother. After all, it takes one to KNOW one. And your BF knows what HE did to you.
Something is up, no doubt.
I have to ask has he been tested BEFORE you got back together? Have you? Because with THAT many sexual partners it's pretty rare for someone to be "clean" or free of STI/STD's. So that would DEFINITELY be on the "to-do-list" for me.
Secondly, you have a past with him that isn't great. Sure he might have FINALLY outgrown his promiscuous lifestyle but the issues STEMMING from his past cheating is something that is still nagging at you and making you 1. watch him like a hawk and 2. not fully trust him.
Watching your partner like a hawk IT must be exhausting!
Not trusting your partner is hard too because it means you WORRY about things from the past spilling over into the present. That history will repeat itself and YOU will get hurt.
If I were you I would decide IF you REALLY think a relationship with him CAN work. And if you think yes, then talk to him. Ask him what's up with the brother's GF.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (1 June 2017):
 If your gut feeling tells you something is wrong, then trust it.
Is it possible your boyfriend has some sort of past with this girl? Or is it possible, in his own inept way, he is trying to show his brother that this girl is not right for him?
Have you actually asked your boyfriend why he behaves like this around his brother's girl? You two need to have that conversation.
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