A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’m starting to worry about my 70-year-old mom.Last April, my husband and I took our first shot of the Covid vaccine, then drove to see our families for Easter. I remember telling my parents I’d just received my first shot. They had just had their second shot, and we discussed what side effects they’d had. I told them my second shot would be just in time to go on vacation with my husband’s side of the family, who were also vaccinated. All in all, we probably discussed the vaccine for a half hour. Fast forward 4-5 weeks, I was on the phone with my mom, telling her about our family trip. She asked if we’d all had our shots. I gently reminded her we’d told her that when we were up for Easter. She said she had forgotten, and I brushed it off as nothing…until the next time she asked. By then, a few months passed, and my husband got Covid in time for his birthday. I had no symptoms, but he was really sick. We’d planned to go see our families again for his birthday. I called to cancel on my side of the family, telling my mom he got Covid and we had to quarantine. She got freaked out because she thought we hadn’t taken the vaccine. I, once again, reminded her we took the vaccine in April. She was relieved then, but I started to worry about her. I discussed it with my husband after he recovered, and he agreed I had reason to be worried. I decided I would call to check on her more often. I went from calling her once a week to twice a week. Everything seemed fine. Then, at Christmas time, a married couple my parents were friends with both got Covid. The couple was unvaccinated. The wife recovered, but her husband died. After telling me this, my mom stressed how important it was for me and my husband to get the vaccine. I asked if she meant the booster shot (which had just become available to us at that time.) She seemed confused and said no, that she meant the original. I reminded her once again that we had. I can admit I sounded a bit more annoyed that time. I then apologized, and told her I didn’t mean to come across as rude and also said I was sorry about her friend. Twice since then, she thought my husband and I were unvaccinated. What really makes this odd, is that she doesn’t at all come across as incompetent or losing her mind when having regular conversations, and her memory seems fine because she could recall what she’d done that day, or something my dad or sister had told her. She does repeat herself sometimes, but that’s normal for her. The only other thing that seems out of place is I noticed she started talking about the past more recently. Do I have reason to be worried about her? Could it be an early sign of dementia? Could it be that she just doesn’t believe me? (That only occurred to me when husband asked me if this is possible, since Covid stuff has been so politicized and she and I have different political views.) What’s your take on this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2022): Let me calm you down just a little. Just have your mom get a thorough checkup and medical-evaluation before you start worrying about dementia. Her doctor can run a battery of tests. It is preferable that she has a doctor who specializes in geriatric medicine. Even if she is showing early signs of dementia, there is no reason for panic.
Keep in-mind, certain side-effects of some prescribed medications may cause slight memory loss or confusion.
She may also be testing you to see if she'll catch you in a fib! Like she double-checked and cross-examined you when you were a teenager!
Your mother is 70 years old, and it's natural to lose some of your cognitive function; because you are in advanced years of age. Loss of memory can start in your 50's! You seem as wary of dementia as your mom is of covid. Naturally when you're in your older years, you want to to enjoy longevity; and as much quality of life as possible. When you are inundated with the daily death tolls for covid, and saturated with the media hype about it; you are kept highly aware of how covid can be more deadly for those in high-risk groups. Particularly the elderly, and the immunocompromised. The older you get, the more you become aware of your mortality.
Your mother has good reason to be cautious. After all, some people do lie about being vaccinated. Even some of the people we love. Sometimes she needs reassurance and confirmation; because she is mentally keeping track of the vaccination status of several different family members. No matter what age you are, memories tend to run together on "who said what?"
Consider the fact we've been saturated with information and disinformation about covid. As our parents age, we are more cognizant of their mental and physical changes; and may become extra sensitive to how they've lost some abilities as the years go by. We want them to always be as we remember them as children. You should be vigilant in changes in everyone's health and behavior, including the entire family-unit; but worry shouldn't be the reason. Just common sense. Catching things early also initiates treatment when it will be most effective.
The paranoia is rampant, ignorance is pervasive, and there are crazies out there who imperil the lives of others based on their political beliefs! Naturally older-people are scared! They are as vulnerable as children!
Don't allow worry to get the better of you; because you'll start treating her as though she's frail, feeble-minded, and forgetful. Nothing is more of an injury to an older person's dignity and self-esteem; than to be treated as though they're foolish or incompetent. Even if they are! It's tantamount to gaslighting! You make them start distrusting their own judgement. Just be cool, until you have a confirmed reason for concern.
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (3 March 2022):
If your mother is only forgetting what your vaccination status is then I would put it down to excessive anxiety.
If she's forgetting other things too then she should see the family doctor and she what he/she says.
Talk to your dad and see what he thinks
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A
female
reader, QueenCupcake +, writes (3 March 2022):
 To be fair, my mum kind of does the same thing and she doesn’t believe me. She keeps mentioning something to me to see if she gets the same answer. I’m only telling you this because from your description, your mum isn’t struggling with anything else, just the vaccine. Maybe next time, when you discuss it with her again, maybe bring it up to her?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 March 2022):
 I think a LOT of people stress over Covid. Especially the elderly.
My dad and I have had the same conversation for a year at least. About Covid. He is in the high-risk group, so obviously concerned.
Does it mean she has dementia? Well, it could be. Could it be that she worries you might not get the shot so she keeps asking? Well, yes.
How is your dad doing? Have you asked him about it? I mean he lives with her so any changes and forgetfulness would probably be more obvious to him?
Is it ONLY about Covid she is "forgetful"? If so, I think it's more likely that she isn't entirely sure YOU got the shot yet and she wants you safe, so she keeps asking and pretends to have forgotten. That way you REASSURE her every time that you HAVE gotten the shots.
Talk to your dad.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2022): Older people sometimes lose interest in many things. It's not just about the dementia. That's how memory works. If you are interested in something, you will memorize it, if not, well...
My mother in law is almost 80. Until two years ago she had a normal life. She worked (yes! she gave lessons 3x a week), she saw her friends... and then COVID 19 hit and her life fell apart. She stopped working, couldn't see her friends, some of them even died! And I could see, especially now, that she is simply less interested in other people, things that they have to say... she doesn't suffer from dementia. She is completely functional.
I've noticed that she PRETENDS to listen to people. Not because she's unable to understand and doesn't want to interrupt them. She simply doesn't care about what they're saying, since she cannot relate anymore. And yes. Afterwards, she sometimes asks questions about something I know she had either seen or heard. She cannot relate, because basically, she has no life (from her perspective). She's an old lady, who doesn't work...
This doesn't mean she doesn't care about us. This can also be a sign of a depression that is common in elderly. In order for them not to be depressed they need to have a life, activities, they need to contribute, participate, have things to look forward to, to do... In my MIL case, she had suddenly lost all of that. She lives alone in another country and she is still perfectly functional, but I do notice this lack of interest, leading to not memorizing things.
When she watches movies that are of no interest to her she has no idea what is going on, because she tunes out. However, let her watch Downton Abbey and wow! She knows the names of all the characters, their relationships, history... I taught her to play sudoku :) It helps.
So, I'm not saying that what is happening to your mom is not dementia, you definitely need to do some tests to verify that, because if there are some underlying physical conditions, it can be slowed down and sometimes even cured. Problems with thyroid and hyperthyroid glands can provoke this even in younger people. Electrolyte imbalances as well. Also, a check up might show if her blood supply to the brain is sufficient for normal functioning.
Be patient and whatever you do, keep calm. Old age sucks for everyone! But it certainly beats the alternative ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2022): Yes it could be the early signs of dementia. Remembering what happened that day is very different to remembering specific things or things further back anyway. Some have better short term memory and bad long term etc. There are things you can do to improve different parts of your memory as well, herbs, exercise, diet, you can tune it the way you tune a car engine. For example, I was concerned about my short term memory, I have an illness which affects it, but I am also a qualified therapist and knowledgeable and research things a lot, it took a long time but eventually I decided to take gingko biloba and months later it is a lot better.Some dementia is caused by vasculitis and similar illnesses where it is due to poor circulation, if this is the cause you can improve that. Diet and exercise are great for this.My mother and grandmother both got pad, a horrible illness which includes dementia, so I determined years ago to make sure it does not get me, as it is caused by poor lifestyle choices. But I doubt you could tell or ask your mum to do that and get anywhere. If you say anything to her what will it achieve, she will get snappy and say no you are wrong etc, either because she really believes you are wrong or because she does not like to be reminded she is getting older and not as good as she used to be. Reminding her of it serves what purpose other than upsetting her. In a way it is no different to repeating herself a lot. She may have a fixation about this so she repeats this. People with dementia do it, people with aspergers do it and normal people do it.My mum got dementia, she lived a long way away from me and I have a busy life. But when she got bad I would ring her once a day often twice a day. Over time I heard it got worse and worse, but the reason I rang was so that she had regular human contact, as she lived alone and had no real local friends or family and would have heard no human voice or had no human contact for a week at a time otherwise.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2022): This does sound like the start of dementia. I’d suggest you take her to a dr to be sure.
Has she ever displayed this behavior before ie when she doesn’t believe you & questions you each time? If not then it could be dementia related.
My MIL started to display her first symptoms on our wedding day. She seemed somewhat confused & didn’t congratulate me or my husband on the day, I thought it was odd but we put it down to her being overwhelmed. She was 83 at the time & had bad arthritis so we assumed the day was too much for her. The next day she said she didn’t remember anything about the wedding which was upsetting as my husband is her only child. Over the years she got worse, forgetting things etc….
I hope this gets resolved.
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