A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was dating a guy he bad mouthed everyone including me. talked about himself all the time he had narcissistic personality disorder. - be cruel to me at times i had to suffer through a lot emotionally he never would change. right now ia m in therapy it's hard- he was emotionally abusive and drained my finances, caused business problems due to his erratic behavior. i tried to help him and could not. During our relationship he was involved with a project with a guy who was really nice and i was attracted to him never acted on it though.my boyfriend at the time who is my ex caused a lot of drama during the project but blamed the company for it so this nice guy was given his side but I know what realy happend my boyfriend was causing problems with the company. I cared for my ex and tried to help him but at the same time i just found out he may be trying to drag this guy into other projects and everything with my ex goes south he is just too much drama and its always something. I'm not one to talk bad people but should i tell the nice guy what my ex did and warn him? its just if he drags him into a mess and starts rumors about him behind his back I will feel bad knowing what i know. but i also dont want to get involved but on the other hand if you dont do anything to stop something you may as well join them so that is not good for me.what should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): In these types of situations it's important to ask yourself 'would you want someone to tell you?' And if the answer is yes then perhaps that's the instinct you should act upon. But like with everything in life there is more than one way to skin a cat....it depends what type of contact you have already had with this man and how confident you feel about approaching him to discuss this. I would recommend a measured approach; explain that you are not trying to cause any trouble for your ex but that you felt you had a duty of care to this man to share information with him. Then give him the option of listening to what you have to say or make it clear that you are happy not to share it. Ask that he respects the confidentiality with which you expect the information to be treated for your own safety and so as not to fuel any existing differences between yourself and your ex. If he wants to hear it try to be as factual as possible without slandering your ex, this way he is more likely to take notice of what you have to say. If he chooses not to want to hear the information then don't be disheartened but reiterate that you wish for him not to mention that you have approached him to your ex. That way you have done the right thing whilst putting in measures to protect yourself from any backlash. There is no guarantee that he will keep it confidential and if you could not cope with any potential fall out then maybe this is not the time for you to speak up. Good luck with which ever decision you make x
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (5 March 2013):
 i would just stay out of it. but that's just my personality. if something has nothing to do with me, i keep my nose out of it.
i can completely see why you feel the desire to warn him, though. but i would keep it to myself, if i were you.
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