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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have the most amazing bf ever. I am in my late 20s and he is in his early 30s. We get along so well and have only had a few short disagreements in the year and a half we've been together. We never argue, we are so similar. He treats me like a queen and I treat him like a king. Everything is perfect. He will propose soon and I am so excited to spend my life with him. The problem is I have one been in one other relationship before and that one had a lot of issues.I was younger and immature and when things got rocky I was honestly just a huge bitch. I would make him cry, threw things at him and just made him feel so bad about himself.neither of us were bad ppl, our incompatibility just brought out the worst in me. (I am not blaming him, I am ashamed of my actions and apologized).Right now everything is perfect but I'm so scared that in the future if we have problems I will ok back to being that bitch. Its so scary to think about, I just switched to another angry person in an instant. My current bf deserves nothing but the best but I'm so scared I will hurt him. I don't want to talk to him about it because I don't want to scare him off.I don't know what to think or how to feel. Should I warn him? This is a side of me he has never seen and hopefully will never see but who knows the future.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 July 2014):
 I second what Ilifton said. No need for me to say the exact same thing over again, everything she said I would have said too.
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (21 July 2014):
 I think your previous behavior was just reflective of having been in a relationship with someone who you were completely incompatible with. I once dated an individual years back who I was completely incompatible with. The fights were brutal and brought out a side of me even I never recognized. The fights got so loud that the cops almost got called one particular time (no one ever hit anyone, but the yelling was so loud). I'm NOT that type of person. For anyone who knows me, I'm a very laid-back, polite, and extremely agreeable person. But this particular relationship just brought out the absolute worst in me. We were extremely dysfunctional. And it stemmed from being so incompatible yet still trying to make it work.
Since then? I've been in very healthy relationships and those behavioral patterns have never occurred again. I learned what and who I can date. I now know certain red flags to watch out for, and when I see them, I avoid them. Basically, I learned my lesson and I've learned from my mistakes. Not to put the blame on my ex. It wasn't all my exes fault. It took both of us to be that dysfunctional. And my ex wasn't a bad person. We were just that wrong for each other. Being in a happy, healthy relationship has prevented any of those unhealthy behaviors from ever rearing their ugly heads again.
So no, I don't see you going down that same path with this current guy. If you've been together for a year and a half and overall are really compatible and respectful of each other, I really don't see you having the same issues with you current bf that you had with your ex. Of course, everyone is different. And only you know yourself well enough to gauge of you think this could ever be a problem down the road. But I wouldn't bring it up. I see no reason to have to.
My advice would be to use your past as your own personal tool to reflect on and learn from. You realize your mistakes and you recognize that you DON'T want to treat a partner like that ever again (as well as be treated that way). Thats your own personal learning experience and you don't have to share it unless you feel the absolute need to get it off your chest. It's not like you have a long history of domestic violence or anything like that. Have faith in yourself that you have learned from your mistakes and that this relationship is much healthier than the previous.
Good luck.
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