A
female
age
36-40,
*adge1
writes:Hi everyone! I split up with my long term boyfriend 2 months ago. Things started to go really wrong about 4 months before that and it all came to a head when I found texts from another girl on his phone. He has had terrible money problems 6 months before and lost his job which ended in a legal battle...so basically it has been very stressful for him. He started to take anti-depressants which he neglected to tell me about. Anyway, he said very quickly after that he still wants to be the father of my daughter (from a previous relationship) and he's a great dad so he saw her,but as we both needed the space I have been trying to not call him and move on. He started seeing a councillor to help his depression and after a month when we met up he kissed me, cried, said he knows he messed things up with us, that he still loves me and still wants to marry me one day, just that he is not well now and he didn't want us to start again until he felt back on top. I know we love each other so much. he said he knew it was unfair if he asked me to wait for him but he hoped that I would. Then a few days ago he phoned me, told the thought of me being with anyone else makes him sick and begged me not to go out on any dates or to even kiss anyone else. Financially he is still supporting me alot, he also keeps saying he's going to buy me the things I need ie; a new laptop and cooker and even promised me a car when I pass my driving test(I'm 30, he's 39 btw.) But yet he still says we can't be in a relationship right now because he is better yet! It's all really confusing...our chemistry together is still amazing...we both love each other...I don't doubt it...but I just don't know what to do...when we are around each other he tries to touch me, put his arm around me...I don't know what to do! Sorry it's long but v complicated....so I need advice...I would love a second chance to make it work..we were so happy before we started having all these problems...I want to know whether people think I should wait for him? What I can do to make him want to be in a relationship with me? Why do you think he can't be in a relationship until he is better? What does it all mean, I'm so confused and I love him so much and am so darn hurt! What do you think of this situation and him? Please be honest I really need an outside opinion, I love him too much to think clearly! Thank you so much
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lost his job, money, move on, split up, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2015): You cannot wait until he is better because mental health is a lifelong thing.Think really hard because this is passed down one generation to the next.If you had any kids with him they could end up with mental illness.Are you ready to take that on?My husbands family has really bad mental illness.They all hid it well from me for many years and now I am dealing with grown children with this.Not only that but he is a cheater as well.The money thing is a sign too.My husbands siblings have gotten so bad they are on disabilty and they are not allowed to handle their own money.You do not want this life trust me.Escape while you can.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2015): I'm confused.He has serious money issues (and is jobless) but he still offers to buy you things (laptop,cooker) and somehow you see this as a positive??Why wait on a man to get things for you? Why don't you try to improve your situation so you won't have to rely on him??Anyway, that aside- it sounds like he is having some sort of mental breakdown from all the stress. He might not want to admit the extent or seriousness of it (and I'm just shooting in the dark),but it does sound bad.He should definitely get healthy (mentally) and reduce his stress levels before entering any relationship again. So I agree with him.But this hot/cold game is not on.I say tell him you'll support him in getting better,but maybe is not good for him to be around your child or you during this time? Tell him you can see him one-on-one (no child), but you'll start dating as it is unfair what he asked of you.Also, do tell him that both trust+ health have to be ok IF you were to start again.
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A
female
reader, Madge1 +, writes (28 June 2015):
Madge1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry, yes they were inappropriate...she was calling him baby!
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