A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:ok i am 14 and my boyfriend is 17 and we have been talking about sex for the past 2 months, i have been with him for the 6 months...We are in love and we are Virgins i have very high expectations from my family and i dont want to tell them that i want to have sex at the age of 14 and have them disappointed in me and think bad of my boyfriend.so my question is Should i have sex with him at 14(my birthday is in April)? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 Well first things first, you must be aware that it is illegal for you to have sex and it will be classed as statutory rape because he is 3 years older than you - therefore he could get into a lot of trouble with the police and even go to prison. This is especially risky if your family have high expectations of you - if they get uspet when they find out they could easily report him to the police. So do you want to take the risk of sending your boyfriend to prison? He would have a permanent criminal record and this would really impact his future. So think very very carefully about this, he could get into a lot of trouble and it would be very serious.
Next - are you ready for sex? Do you feel totally happy with the idea of having sex? To be honest, if you are on here asking then I think you are not ready - you clearly have doubts so until all those doubts are gone then I would say no, you should not have sex.
You have not been with him all that long, especially when you are so young I think it would be much wiser to wait until you have been together at least a year. At the moment, your relationship is still in its honeymoon stage where everything is lovely and rosy. Whereas in a few months this could all change once the novelty of a new relationship has worn off. So I really would suggest that you wait at least another 6 months before you have sex - it will make sure that you really are happy together, that you are committed to each other and that this is a long term thing, not just a quick 6 month fling.
Have you thought about contraception? Now obviously you dont want to be getting pregnant at your age, you are barely more than a child yourself so you dont want to be a teen mom! So if you really are serious about having sex then you need to see your doctor and get birth control, and your boyfriend needs to be wearing a condom. If you are too scared to see a doctor, or dont want to go alone but cant tell your parents - then you are not ready for sex. This is always the tell tale sign that someone is ready for sex - if you are mature enough and responsible enough to go to the doctor alone and get birth control then you are pretty much ready for sex.
Having sex means you need to take responsiblity for your own body and your own health. You cannot just leave pregnancy to chance and hope it doesnt happen, and nor can you leave your health to chance. So if you are ready for sex - then you are ready to take responsibility for your health and get down to the doctors to talk about birth control.
And one final thing - you might want to think about HPV. Human papilloma viruses are known as HPV. They can affect the skin and the moist membranes that line parts of the body, including
* The lining of the mouth and throat
* The cervix
* The anus
There are more than 100 different types (or ‘strains’) of human papilloma virus (HPV). Each type has a different number.
HPV is common. Most people have the virus at some time in their lives. For most people it causes no symptoms and goes away on its own. It is much more common in young people, probably because we develop immunity to the virus as we get older.
Some types of HPV can cause changes in the cells of the cervix or the lining of the mouth and throat. They are known as high risk HPVs. Doctors call these changes in cells ‘dysplasia’. The changed cells have an increased risk of becoming cancerous.
It is widely known that if you start having sex at a young age (under 16) then you are drastically increasing your chances of getting cervical cancer. This is because you have more contact with the HPV virus (condoms dont always protect against this virus) therefore the more contact you have with it, the more your risk of it turning into cervical cancer increases.
So that is another thing to think about - I know this is not what you want to hear but the chances of you being with this boyfriend forever are very very slim hence if you have sex at 14, chances are you will have had another few sexual partners over the next few years. Generally the younger you start having sex, the more sexual partners you have because sex is no longer something special to hold back on - if you have had sex with one guy then you will certainly have sex with the next boyfriend. So the more partners you have - the more likely you are to get HPV and for it to turn into cervical cancer.
Waiting until you are older to have sex means your health will be better, your boyfriend wont get into trouble and there is no risk of getting pregnant. I cant actually think of any good reasons why you should have sex, only reasons not to have sex. So waiting would be the right thing to do, but it is up to you what you do next. Just think very carefully and make sure whatever happens, you use birth control!
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
male
reader, Who +, writes (23 December 2010):
 No.
A time will come when you won’t need to ask this question, on the internet or anywhere else. You will not have any worries of disappointing anyone or not meeting anyone’s expectations. That will be when you are ready.
You can spend the time now getting ready. Learn about how to keep yourself healthy and save. Learn more about this boy you have been with for 6 months, and about any future boyfriend(s) you may have. Most young ladies have several boyfriends and break-ups as they figure out this romance business; you should learn about those too. Some of these things you can learn from books or talking to people, some you will learn about by living them.
Good luck and hope this helps.
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