A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been reading the different stories on love and married men however; I haven’t come across one which is similar to mine. So here I am asking for help! My married man is my first and only love...We met ten years ago when I was 17, we dated until I was about 20...our relationship ended due to immaturity and inexperience...I thought that my feelings for him will one day fade away but 7 years later I love and appreciate him now more then ever.We have remained good friends throughout the years and have not been intimate with one another since we last dated.He got married almost 2 years ago and now has a baby (whom I adore)...he is a wonderful father and a faithful husband.Over a year ago we confessed our feeling for one another, he feels that I should of stopped him from getting married, silly me I guess...We both agree that we are soul mates ...I am so in love with him and I know he feels the same......He wants to leave his wife and has even asked her for a divorce (she refused to hear any of it). He say’s he is staying only because of his child.He has asked me to marry him.....I said Yes but that will only actually happen if he leaves his current marriage...we spend every chance we can together...I know that we are in love...its not lust as we are not intimate....and we have had 5 years to get over each other which clearly has not happened. I have been patiently waiting for him to leave his wife and be with me....its hard...and as guilty as i feel i cant seem to let go...my hart breaks every time he goes home to his family, the only thing actually keeping me sane is the love he has for his child. i love his child and feel so incredibly guilty when I think of him separating from them....I feel horrible when I think of his wife’s feelings. But I cant imagine being with any other man.... it gets harder and harder as the days go by...my hart tells me to stay but my brain knows that it’s wrong to break apart a family...if i walk away I know that he will settle and stay with her, maybe even have more children....Does that mean we are not meant to be together????I believe in my hart that if there wasn’t a child involved he would leave her and be with me....but i know that doesn’t make it right.I’m I being foolish?? Selfish?? Should I follow my hart and wait or walk away and allow him to own up to his responsibilities??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): Nasty, it would have been better for you two to sort out your feelings before dragging other people in. Yes your case dose seem different, two people in love who made wrong decisions. Tell him to divorce his wife, it is clear he loves you and not her. He can't stay with her, she will always be aware that she is second best and she deserves happiness too. Move away, cut contact, get on with your life and try to forget about him. Leave a number where he contact you and give him a deadline of 6months to a year to join you. If he loves you, he will divorce his wife and move to be with you, if he doesn't then he will stay with his family. You need to put a deadline on all of this, his choice, either he wants you enough to leave her, or you must walk away and get on with your life.
A
female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (22 January 2009):
I agree with everything PastFirst has to say. Don't sit around waiting and hoping for this guy. Don't put your own life on hold for him. I know it seems impossible right now due to the intense feelings you have for him, but work toward getting over him and moving on. Otherwise, your heart will continue to get broken.
Walk away and work on healing yourself. It won't be easy, but it can be done. You will most likely always love him, but you can eventually learn to love another too, when the time is right. You deserve to have someone to love who is all yours.
Though you haven't been physically intimate with him since he's been married, the two of you are still having an affair, albeit an emotional affair. It's not right. You need to walk away. If he chooses to stay with his wife, then the two of you were not meant to be together.
If he comes back to you at some point in the future, after leaving his wife, then at that time you can evaluate your feelings and where you are in your own life at that time. Though you should not sit around hoping for that to happen. Tell yourself it more than likely won't. Then work toward letting him go. You can do it.
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A
female
reader, pastfirst +, writes (22 January 2009):
 Wow!It's difficult for me to say if this guy loves you or not, but it's doubtful he'll leave his wife and child.
I think he's using his child as an excuse not to leave, or he'd already have left. So what makes you think he'll leave his wife in the future?
I really feel sorry for you as you obviously love this guy.
But as you say, if you weren't around, he wouldn't leave his wife.
I really think you should get out of his life. You're breaking up a family. Keep away for a while and see what happens. If he wants you, he'll come after you but make sure his marriage is over. He has to decide what he really wants.
He can't have his cake and eat it!
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