A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice as i'm still a year and a half later struggling to move on from my ex, i don't know whether this means i should be with him still or not.So me and my ex have been on and off for 11 years now i love him and think about him all the time i love spending time with him but don't necessarily hanker for it. i always envisaged us marrying each other living together and having kids etc. He loves me and and wants to be with me, hes not one for expressing any emotion and the only time iv'e ever seen him hurt is when i split up with him i see the love in his eyes every time he looks at me and it devastates me to know that iv'e hurt him. i do love him its just i don't feel for him that love that i used to i don't want to talk to him all the time i don't miss him like i used to i don't want to see him all the time like i used to i don't even feel the need to sleep with him very much. but the thought of him being with anyone else kills me i know its selfish for me to be with him because i don't want anyone else to have him but i'm going crazy over not knowing what i should do. we did split up a year and a half ago but neither of us really let go and remained friends, i'm really close to all his family and think everyone just assumes including him that were back together. should i try work things out see if those feelings come back or should i cut all ties. i cant talk to him hes not one for talking about serious things he usually just gives up keeps quiet.
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (28 May 2013):
 A lot of what you said about him is based on assumptions of what you think he feels or wants. I think the two of you need to have a good heart to heart conversation with some open and honest questions, so that you can both figure out what you both want from each other. You have to gain the courage to ask all the hard questions. It is going to be a tough conversation to endure, but in the end, you will both be clear on where you stand with each other, and be able to make a firm decision about the future of your relationship.
Eleven years is a long time, but don't hold on to something out of guilt. Stay with him because you want to be with him and no one else.
A
male
reader, Relationship.Chef  +, writes (28 May 2013):
 Ask yourself this: "Do I really know what I want?""Do I want this kind of relationship, or do I stay with my ex simply because this feels better and less scarier than moving on?"It's called "negativity bias", love. People are more afraid of making a decision because of possible bad things that might not necessarily happen, instead of looking on the positive side.And, what could be the positive side here?You, free of burden of an 11-year old relationship (that hasn't come to fruition this long, and most likely never will). You, free to make your own decisions, and choose the kind of person you want to be with and the kind of relationship you long for.It's hard, I know. Being with someone for so long, it's so very hard to imagine yourself without them.But, would you rather suffer through unhappiness for another 11 years, or find your bliss?
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (28 May 2013):
 I don't mean any harm by this comment. People don't want to be where there not wanted. He probably knows how you feel men want to feel wanted and needed also. I wouldnt have much to say either if someone didn't even want to communicate or be with me sexual or in living arrangements. Whats the point. Maybe your love is sadist and you love to hurt him as you mentioned. Thats what this is not making since you don't want him happy with someone else. You dont even like him so there will be no retaining of feelings cause you said there are none. Do you plan to make yourself care and love him that most likely want last either this go round. Whatever that made the love go is still go be a issue.
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