A
female
age
36-40,
*roudmammi
writes:Me and my fiance have been together just over a year now. Our relationship has been awesome, we rarely fight and we enjoy so much of the same things and just have a lot of fun together. I recently gave birth 2 weeks ago to our son, but 4 days before I went into labor I couldn't sleep and was bored so I started looking through his phone. I found this app called FFM (free foto messenger). In this app he had a bunch of girls he added as friends and had been sending msgs back n forth flirting with them. One of which he had been exchanging topless pictures with. He said things to her like "nice send more" "very sexy" and shit like that. He sent one pic of himself without a shirt on and she told him how hot he was. wen I confronted him about it all he could say was he f*cked up and that he never would have cheated on me. But wut the f***?!?! And to make me feel even worse he hadn't wanted to have sex for the past 3 months be cause he said "it was too weird with the baby right there", which I do understand that some guys find it too weird to have sex with their pregnant girlfriend because of the baby in the way. But other then that we had absolute no problems in our relationship, no reason for him to talk to other girls. His excuse was that it was a mental thing and now that he is 30 he was just wanting attention to make him feel like hes still got it. But how am I suppose to trust that web I'm too busy with work and the kids to give him the attention that he needs that he's not gonna go get it else where. And since I had no reason to think he would ever have done that in the first place I can't help but always thinking he's hiding something else from me. Should I try and learn to trust him again? Or should I even stick around to see if he will break my heart?
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cheated on me, fiance, flirt, his ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, proudmammi +, writes (25 September 2011):
proudmammi is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank u all for Ur responses! I tried talking to him last night and he is now very aware of how much it bothers me and that the he's got a lot to do to gain my trust back. so far he's been showing me more attention but its only been since last night that we talked so we will se how things go. I do love him with all my heart so I really want this to work. Again thank u all for Ur responses it really helped!!
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (25 September 2011):
This is a breach of your trust first and foremost. His behaviour was totally inappropriate, and you both have to bare the consequences of this breach of trust.
The good news is that it isn't severe. It is bad, but not as bad as him actually contacting a girl to have sex with her. It sounds like he made a mistake, used poor judgement to flirt with girls and that he knows it, and admits he was way out of line.
The important thing is, what happens now. Relationships are not defined by having problems, all relationships have problems that come up. The relationship is defined by how you deal with those problems. How are you guys communicating about what happened? Have you told him how you feel, how your trust has been shaken, and where things stand now? Has he taken any steps to make things better, to regain your trust in him, how has his behaviour been? Does he know you are still upset by it? Does he think you over it, or does he know it is still bothering you? Do you know what it would take for you to trust him again, and have you told him? Has he asked you what you need from him?
All of these are questions you can communicate to one another, share your thoughts and feelings and come up with ways for you to repair your relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2011): I think it is all about his ego. He was probably horny and masturbating to the pics. I think the fact that you just had a child together, you owe it to the child to stick it out bit longer. Has he ever behaved like this before or given you a reason not to trust him. Maybe counseling will help the two of you sort this out.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (25 September 2011):
 Hi,I know how you feel. Been through a similar situation. First of all, what he did was wrong, and it's going to take time, and effort to regain the trust back in your relationship. I will be honest though, I will give him credit for being honest, taking the responsibility. I believe that he told you the truth. Its not about you... He was contacting these women for his own ego. I am sure he doesn't have any feelings, or any intensions at all. Men are different than women. Women care about feelings, men care about ego. He told you so, that he enjoy flirting because made him feel good a out himself, gave him confidence, that after all these years together with you, he still go it. By his reaction, I can tell you honestly that he truly lives you, care for you, and respect you. I think he deserves a second chance, because I see a lot of positive in your relationship by his part. I think if you give him a second chance, this could work, and I think he will be a better partner.Congratulations on your new baby, I hope you are ok, don't be too upset. What he did was bad, but not too bad. Hope you make the right decision. Good luck
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 babe you don't have to 'learn' to do anything! he was flirting with other girls, it is not a flaw of yours that you now do not trust him. when i read your post i thought he was a young lad, until i got to the part where you said he is 30! if he is not grown up by aged 30 there is not much hope for him i'm afraid. he is making you feel like this is all your fault - he didn't want to have sex because of the baby there (if this grosses him out then i suppose that is fair enough, its his opinion) he has got you feeling like he will stray if you are too tired from looking after your baby to give him the time and attention he needs.
sounds like you are making excuses for him in advance. he will cheat and you know it. whether you want to sit around, looking after his baby and wait for that to happen though is your decision. i am guessing that if the girl he was swapping photos with asked him to go and see her he would have been there like a shot, so the 'i wouldn't have cheated' does not convince me, sorry.
x
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): Okay, first of all I fully understand your situation and how you feel. You have 2 options basically:1- break upand if that is too difficult2- test him again and give him another chance. BUTDon't compromise if he tries to tell you that what he did didn't mean anything to him. If it didn't mean anything to him, he wouldn't have it on his phone. He's going to try to make what he did sound like a no big deal, don't let him fool you and keep your word. He will respect you more this way. Don't make him feel like you trust him again. If he really loves you, he's going to try to fix it and do everything to be with you. Best of luck!
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