A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay, I know this is a relationship type of site, but I just really wanted advice for my problem. My best friend X (girl) started going out with Y (guy) about 2 or 3 years ago, and they were a pretty hot couple. I was happy for her, but everyone, including X (girl), knew that Y (guy) was a flirt and a player. He even tried to flirt with me once, but I didn't do anything. Now that we're seniors in high school, my other friends and I have been a little dissatisfied with X (girl)'s attendance (I hate to sound so formal, but yeah.) Every time we have a get-together (just for us girls) she tells us she's going then at the very last minute decides to cop out. And then later she'd tell us that she didn't want to go, because Y (guy) was afraid that she'd cheat on her. We haven't seen X (girl) since she's been with Y (guy), and every time she wants to do something for herself (for example: go to the marines, hang out with us girls, or even go to school for the last semester) she won't do it, because Y (guy) threatens to break up with her. Y (guy)'s actually cheated on her like three times already and now she's pregnant with his baby. I don't know what to do in this situation, because after I told X (girl) that I was mad that she kept ditching us; she got mad at me too and won't speak to me. Actually, I'm concerned about her and don't know if I should even be concerned because she has stopped talking to me. Can I just say that one of the reasons she doesn't want to talk to me is because she feels that I am an ungrateful friend for not wanting to hang with her anymore. I don't know what to do. Should I still be X (girl)'s friend through this pregnancy and stop being a baby myself? Or should I just let her be with her boyfriend and let her handle her own problems? I should add that before Y (guy) we were really close and we told each other all our problems. Now that Y (guy)'s in her life, she gives him all her time and effort. Mind you, I have a boyfriend too but I make time for my friends still. So, that's why I got angry at her. So anyways, my question still stands: Should I support X (girl), and give up my stupidity, or should I not even try and just leave her alone?
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (5 April 2013):
I think your concern for her is genuine and not unfounded. she has basically thrown her life away for this guy and getting pregnant in high school was never going to be a smart move. I would try to keep in touch with her if I were you, she will appreciate that if/when she and this guy break up and she will realise how alone she is at that time. good luck and I hope she appreciates what a good friend you are
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 April 2013):
 YOU can't make her change her behavior for you. She has to want to change it for her.
IF you have tried to be friends and she's not working with you based on your attempts, then stop rowing the boat and wait for her to come to you.
It may be 25 years before she gets back in touch but leave the door open. (i had a friend who kept trying when we were in our early 20s and such and life had changed for me so much) but last year I found her and we are now in touch again...
but stop stressing over it. she is not yours to fix. if you have offered your unconditional friendship and she is not giving enough back, let her know you will always be there for her and wait for her to come to you....
while you wait, live your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): It's not that I'm trying to take her away from him, I just wish she wouldn't treat him like her god. This is the asker by the way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): I think she made a mistake with him, and getting pregnant and that she's really scared, wouldn't you be? Yet that's no excuse for her to be acting this way. Instead of trying to take the girl away from the guy, which gets him upset trying hanging out with him and her.I'm sure she misses you. Maybe you and all your girls could hang at her house for mani petis. Although you can't be held responsible for her actions ad if you try and things don't work maybe its time to take a step back from a train wreck like that. I wish you the best of luck. Sincerely Yours-BeenThereBefore
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