A
female
age
41-50,
*elbe
writes:I feel my marriage is over but I am too scared to leave.I have been married for 9 years and he was my first ever boyfriend! We just no longer seem to get on. He shows no love or affection although he always tells me he loves me, he never shows it. We rarely sleep together or even kiss or cuddle, he is always tired and thinks that he can shout one minute and then be best friends the next. We have a 9 year old daughter and I want to be sure for her sake.I grew up with my parents fighting and hated every minute of it and I don't want that for her.What can I do? Leave or try and save my marriage? I just want to feel loved and cherised again!
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Shipwreckd  +, writes (4 August 2008):
 "...and thinks that he can shout one minute and then be best friends the next."
This is generally a bad sign. It means either a) He's not communicating what's going on in his heart and is projecting his frustration onto you, b) he's bi-polar, or c) you're in a verbally abusive relationship. Does he yell at your daughter the same way he yells at you?
I'm also aware that every situation has two sides, and there's a side that we're not hearing here, but for the sake of helping, we'll assume that this problem is 100%coming from him.
Ultimately, you have every right to feel loved and cherished. No question. If he's not up to the task anymore then you gotta do what you gotta do. From the sounds of it, the intimacy in your relationship walked out a while ago.
At least give him the opportunity to defend why he's been acting like this, ask why he's become so detatched from the relationship, tell him how this is making you feel, and the effect that it's having on the relationship. Just remember to communicate positively, and don't get into a shouting match with him. In many cases, that just validates the yelling (and often escalates it.) Be calm and don't let the yelling get under your skin.
If he wants to fix this he will. If not, you'll know. He has to want the change for himself.
You may want to look into a few issues on Google:
Verbal Abuse
Emotional Manipulation
Emotional Abuse
Knowledge = Power. Enable yourself. You deserve to be happy.
A
female
reader, KimmyDee20 +, writes (4 August 2008):
 Hey Kelbe,
from readin your story here i think , rather than running away from the situation i think you need to face it first head on ,
everyone can get scared of knowin or feeling when a relationship is drifting especially when you love them so much. However before you decide to walk away from this marriage i think you need to sit down and raise this concern with him , i know its scarey BUT would you rather be scared for years and years of not knowing or would you rather end the fear right now? If i were you i would end it and talk to him , tell him exactly how you feel and tell him how he makes you feel at the end of the day it may not be because he doesnt love you anymore or he has gone off you , it could smply be that he may be going through a rough time or maybe he culd be going through a form of depression and is finding it hard to open up to anyone but Kelbe you will never know unless you speak to him , there is so much help out there if he is depressed he could always for help at his local GP to refer him to a counsellor or maybe marriage counselling for the both of you , remember you have a 9 year old daughter and id say do if for her sake as much as for both of you.... however im not saying hat you must stay within ur marriage for her sake , but to try and save if you feel its worth saving ... dont just walk away from it i think its still worth saving ...
well i hope this has helped you in some way , Best of luck and please keep us posted . Love and Light to you my dear
K.xx
...............................
A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (4 August 2008):
 You are still very young and although you are scared to leave what you know, you still deserve to be treated better than you are now. No one can tell you what to do, you have to come to that conclusion on your own. You guys did meet very young, so it's possible he is bored with the relationship. I say try to work it out with him, but a relationship takes two people, and if he's not going to put in the work then maybe there is no relationship.
You say you have a daughter, so be a good role model for her. Would you want any man to treat her like your man treat you? Best of luck..because it is a tough decision.
...............................
A
female
reader, Theoneandonlybutterfly +, writes (4 August 2008):
 I say saved the marriage. Try different things with him like try to get your passion for one other back take a trip or just date like you use to. Talk more not yell talk and try to have a positive out look on your marriage and just maybe things meant just look up for you and your husband!! If he's not try to do things and you are not feeling loved nomore then think of a different way because then you can say to yourself and your child that you tried and it;s time to move on!!
...............................
|
