A
male
age
36-40,
*agami
writes:Ok I have quite a dilemma (another one actually:P). In my past I was in love with one of my best friends. She was a little older but we had a great connection. We went to the same school and we would flirt all the time but more of a friendly flirt, nothing serious. She had a boyfriend and would always complain on how she's unhappy even though she lives with him. She would say how she wish she could be with me but she can't. After a while we remained close and she always responded very well to my flirting. I even stole a kiss once and all she did was laugh and blush. After she broke up with her boyfriend she didn't tell me. I found out a few weeks later only after she started dating someone else. We had more conflict of course and eventually we stopped being friends. Later I met my current girlfriend. A few months into it me and my old friend decided to try and be friends again (we had a great friendship and both missed it). I let go of the past and tried again. My girl approved and became friends with her herself. They hit it off immediately. Perfect friends it seemed and it seemed like I was being replaced by my girlfriend:P. No biggy she was happy and that's what i wanted. After my friend found another boyfriend we all hung out together. He was ummm ok. I felt that slight annoyance but seemed more like pride (you know "I was turned down for this?"). It was ok until I realized I still had feelings for her. This wouldn't do and I didn't want to ruin everything so I told her in confidence that she would understand and I don't want to change anything. She of course told her boyfriend who immediately freaked because he was already jealous of the connection we had (as was my girlfriend). He banned her from ever seeing me again. I argued with her for telling him and she basically said she never seriously considered me and she was only playing with me in the past about wanting to be with me. As annoyed as I was I sent a letter to her boyfriend telling him all of the truth about her and why me and her had conflict. He freaked again and after their confrontation my friend was banned from seeing me or my girlfriend (whom I was completely honest with).My girlfriend was hit hard because she was so attached to my friend and vice versa. It was clear whenever me and my friend talked that she cared only about keeping my girlfriend and getting rid of me. She never apologized for manipulating my emotions long before and I'll never forgive until she does. This brings us to recent events.Recently my old friend contacted someone and told them to tell my girlfriend (of 2 years now) that she wants me, my girlfriend, her and her boyfriend (same one) to meet and resolve all of this. I've been ignoring that conflict for some time and have no wish to start it up again, but my girlfriend clearly wishes they could be friends again. She still doesn't want to see the conflict in me so she chooses to go with whatever I choose. I've seen my girlfriend cry plenty of times over losing my old friend but I don't know if I can be around her calmly with out stirring something inside (I still never got my apology and I'm pretty sure I never will. Especially since she didn't do anything wrong in her eyes.) What's worse I don't know if I still have any feelings for her (haven't seen her in over a year) and I'll hate myself if I see her and my heart skips a beat. What should I do?
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best friend, broke up, confidence, flirt, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Entirely Unique  +, writes (21 March 2010):
 Thing is she's missing a friendship with someone that put you and your relationship through all that, I wouldn't miss a friendship like that, its not a true one.
I know its hard to find really good friendships but if she can destroy the friendship you had with her so easily and badly then she can do the same to your girlfriend too if and when it suits her.
A
male
reader, Kagami +, writes (21 March 2010):
Kagami is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMakes sense except the reason my girlfriend is in conflict is because she doesn't have many girl friends and my friend was one of her closest girl friends. They really bonded. My girlfriend doesn't really want be friends again because she knows it'll start everything over again. She just gets sad because she really misses their friendship and she knows it can never be the same again. I've seen her cry over it before. Both her and my old friend. They really wish they could be friends again. My old friend is probably waiting for us to break up so they can be friends again. Too bad I don't see that happening since we've both been in love for over 2 years and it doesn't look like that's changing anytime soon.
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A
female
reader, Entirely Unique +, writes (21 March 2010):
Personally I would find a way to stay away from and continue no contact with this so called friend and the situation.
I'm quite surprised if your girlfriend is aware of everything that she wants to be back in that situation knowing there was and has been feelings from you towards this friend even including the time during your relationship.
In my opinion this person isn't a friend of yours, she's playing games at every chance and its messing with everyone around her and you and your girlfriend are better off keeping well away before it does some real damage.
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