A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey! So, a while ago I met this guy on a chat site. We were both on there looking for friends, we were both in relationships when we met, and just wanted people to hang out with when we had some spare time.Time went by and we met in person, he was a really nice guy. And I could talk to him about ANYTHING for example, I had just gotten out of a really bad relationship at that point, and he kind of helped me through it by giving me his manly-input, which is something I really appreciated.We only hung out once, but we'd webcam all the time. And text everyday. I knew that he had a girlfriend, and I respected him as JUST a friend. I'll admit, he was attractive, but I really am not a hypocrite, I don't do unto women that I wouldn't want done onto me. I'm not that kind of girl.When we hung out, he'd complain about how his girlfriend never cooks or cleans (they live together) and how he has to sleep on the couch because she won't let him in bed. They don't even have sex anymore! She even has cheated on him. They've been together for 8 years, and she wants to get married, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to marry her. I tried to give him my best advice, as a friend. I never suggested that they'd break up, because he told me that girls try to convince him to break up with his girlfriend all the time, so I tried to help him out.Before I left, he asked if I wanted to come see his apartment. When we get there, his girlfriend was there playing cards with her friend. My friend got upset and they started arguing. And for the rest of my time there, she stared daggers at me! Which is understandable. I even tried to change the subject to dates I went on, or the dreaded ex subject, so she knew that I wasn't interested in her man. Those two, weren't going to make it for sure if they ever got married though, they argued the whole night.He and I parted ways eventually. We still continued to talk, and planned to hang out again, but he suddenly stopped talking to me.This was months ago. I really do miss him as my only guy-friend. I respect if his girlfriend didn't want me in his life, because he even said that she was really jealous of me because she thought I was prettier.Should I try to talk to him again. What should I say? Or am I just being naïve?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2014): No!!! You should not talk to him again, knowing that it creates problems in his relationship. He has stopped contacting you; because he is apparently trying to work things out with his girlfriend. Why would you even consider walking back into a situation that you know you're not welcomed by a man's girlfriend?
You say you do unto other women as you would want them do unto you? Stick by that motto. You're getting too close, and perhaps he has moved on. Hopefully, things have gotten better for them.
One of the issues that flared up in his relationship included his online friendship with an attractive woman. You at best should stay in the neutral-zone. You don't know her, or the reasons behind her actions.
As someone who offers advice; there is one thing I always keep in mind. There are two-sides to each and every story.
My responsibility and support naturally goes to the OP; because they are the concerned party coming forward to seek answers and opinions.
However; I don't take all their stories as the complete gospel. We naturally want people on our side, so we may embellish or slant a story in our own favor. So I often will make some reference in fairness to the party that isn't there to defend themselves.
So, let sleeping dogs lie in this case. You may be growing a little too emotionally attached, and you're also placing temptation in the way. Mishaps do occur. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, in this situation.
Let them be.
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