A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 3 years confessed to cheating on me. I never thought he was capable of doing this because he claimed he loved me so much that he wanted to be with me until the day he died whether it was in a week or 65 years...I found out yesterday. He texted me saying he was depressed and that he didn't deserved me. I immediately knew something was up, so I called him and ask him what's going on with him. He's crying over the phone but doesn't confess and said I should come over to his house. I did and confront him asking why would he say those things if didn't cheat (he kept saying no). He said he didn't like himself and needed to work on himself. It felt like a breakup was going to happen out of nowhere. He didn't ask for my help or ask for a break; he just said that I deserve to be with someone better than him and I deserve to be happy and he wasn't the one that could do it. He then confessed to even lying to me, saying that he would tell me that he was at home but was really at the bar having drinks! I was in complete shock and all of this! It was clear he didn't want me around anymore and as I was about to get back into my car he finally confessed that he cheated on me! Even more shock for me... he said he was drunk and had a one night stand with a random! He said his actions and being drunk were inexcusable, he said this happened in October! (I think Oct2013). He only confessed to 1 cheating event, I want to know if there was more! So this whole time I thought things were good/fine between us! I had no idea! I knew he traveled out of town a lot (at least once a week) for his job so I always told him to behave and be a good boyfriend and he always told me that he was. I knew he could very easily cheat on me but I had no choice but to trust him. I never checked his phone or email to verify if he was telling me the truth about being faithful. But now all of a sudden he confesses that hes been depressed for a long time and can't pretend to be happy anymore and that he cheated on me. He said he was very sorry from the bottom of his heart, that he ruined everything, lost the perfect girlfriend, and that he is an alcoholic. He didn't ask for me to give him another chance... so I just left. Pulled out of his driveway as he watched the entire time. That's it. I just lost my best friend.I'm so shocked and heartbroken! He was my first love, lost my virginity to him at 22 (I'm 25 now and he's 27) because I thought he was a good guy and he truly liked me and wouldn't use me. I NEVER expected him to do this to me, it was so out of character.I need help! I have so many questions still! •I want to contact him one last time and ask him WHY? Why did he do this to me?•I want to know more details like if there was more than 1 cheating event! Or did he continuously cheat from October till now? It's driving me crazy, I literally feel sick to my stomach.•Is it a bad idea to contact him? Do I need to wait a few days to ask?•Is it possible there is someone else he is seeing? and that's why he didn't ask for a second chance..?•I have never gone through a break up! What do I do now? I'm so lost...I would greatly appreciate any answers to my questions, advice, words of wisdom.Thank You.
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a break, alcoholic, best friend, cheated on me, depressed, drunk, heartbroken, lost my virginity, one night stand, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2014): This hurts very much. (I remember.) Not your fault, but a part of life. Nearly everyone goes through something like this at least once.
You will be tempted to stay in touch, ask more questions, all of which will end up hurting you more. My advice would be to walk away; get counseling ASAP; don't look for more answers or details. Give yourself ~18 months to get back on your feet and start healing.
As a male, I would guess that he did not do this 'to you', he just got drunk and had sex with someone. It's very easy and tempting for a guy to do. It's the reptilian brain at works.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2014): hii ..
am sorry for what you are going through..there are no of assumptions we can have but only he knows the truth..but for me i am assuming he wants to break up and doesnot look like a bad guy...thats why he is saying like u need better just to make you less anger..dont waste time on this person..u do alot better...what will you do by knowing that did he cheat more than once,did he have some one else.it makes your pain worse..give yourself time...if he wants another chance then think genuinely what happened,whether to give him chance or not, dont contact him in first place..do engage with friends and family,good books...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2014): Wow. Saying this sucks doesn't do it justice. Condolences. Most of us have been cheated on at one time or another, its just something that some people do.
For what its worth, his cheating is about him more than you. Its probably not something you could have prevented or been good enough to make him not want to. He was probably going to do it no matter how perfect your relationship seemed or how much he loved you. Some people just aren't very good at maintaining healthy relationships.
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