| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Alright, so here is my situation. I am a freshman in college. All through high school I dated who I always assumed was my soulmate. We had a fabulous relationship that never seemed to get old or unexciting. However, it was an agreement from years back that when we headed off to college that we were going to take a break to see other people and have new relationships. The time came, and we followed through on that. During this time, I felt heartache and just wished I was with him again. However, I did meet someone new, and he made me feel like smiling again. We dated secretly for several months, as he was a teaching assistant in a class that I was taking. While the university has no rules against it we didnt want people to gossip about us. Recently, he stoped talking to me so much online, and stopped calling me. Once he heard about how my Mom was against us seeing each other, he said that we should maybe slow down the relationship, and take a break. This lead into a talk about it that ended up with us breaking up. Now Im crying on my ex's shoulder about it, who also happens to be my best friend. I dont understand why Im so confused now, since from the beginning of the new relationship I had been open about my baggage and was just looking for fun. It just seems that in the process of trying to get over an old love, I found another. And as soon as I began to fall for him, he backed away. I know that he has strong feelings for me, but just is afraid of whats going to happen in the long run. He said that we shouldnt invest our time into something that isnt going to work out in the long run, and being the extremely logical person he, that makes perfect sense to him. I dont want it to end. I dont want to give him up. But I dont want to have to convince someone to be with me either. Should I try to keep this going, and if so how? Or should I just give up and go back to my old love? I just dont know what to do anymore...
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a break, best friend, my ex, soulmate, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2007): Here is the thing, your choice is not just between these two men, you have a third choice to be on your own for awhile until you can get your sea legs underneath you so to speak. You went directly from one relationship right into another, this is not the healthiest way to proceed because you were on the rebound, and usually rebound relationships are not meant to last because you usually choose wrong, you just choose something to distract you or make you smile...
You need to take a step back and be on your own so that you can take inventory of what went wrong in your last realtionship, and to get to know yourself better and thereby figure out what kind of man what kind of character he needs to have to bring abouth those loving feelings in you....you broke up with the first boyfriend and perhaps that is the way it needs to reamain, but you will never figure that out if you don't spend some time on your own so you can think and get some clarity.
I don't think begging and pleading or selling and convincing is the way to go with the most recent fellow, let him go if that is what he wants and give him some space, he may be back and if he isn't you will have spent some lovely time with the person who needs to be your best friend, YOU!
Enjoy spending some time with your family and friends, and maybe later on you will meet a new guy who is looking for the same things that you are and will light you up in ways you haven't yet experienced, you are young, you have plenty of time to be in a relationship so be grateful for great friends, great food and great times and be a happy spirit in the world and good things will come your way...(Sounds like a Chinese proverb, but it is true)
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