| A
female
age
36-40,
*hesadness
writes: I'm 20 and I'm in love with a 29-year old guy. He's of a different nationality. We met in my University, he told me he had been watching me for a while and he would like to get to know me. At first I thought he liked me more than friends because he would ask me out for a drink and we would talk for hours. Then he mentioned casually he has a girlfriend. I was very hurt, but I didn't let him know that. We remained good friends. He would take me out every week or see me every week, and he calls it 'dates'. Even though he has a girlfriend but it seems to me he doesn't tell her everything.He tells me everything. I'm like someone he can talk to. It seems to me as if his girlfriend doesn't understand him and I am someone who does.He asked me one day if I would like to be his wife one day, so I told him I don't mind at all. It wasn't a proposal, was more of a question. I didn't know why he asked that, but it made me feel like I should tell him how I feel about him.I did. He said he doesn't feel the same way and he was surprised I felt this way towards him. He asked me to not think of him in that way again.I tried to, but I can't. He's always there when I need him. He turns to me when he's sad or feeling mad at the world. I just fell in love with him. I feel like we're perfect for each other because we just get along so well. There are no secrets between us.Even though it wasn't easy, I tried to be his best friend. I tried to shut away my feelings so I can have him in my life.Ever since a few weeks after we met, he told me he wanted to sleep with me. I told him its not a good idea because we're friends and I don't want him to sexually betray his gf. He never slept with his gf, his gf doesnt understand the fact that he has 'needs'. She's not even comfortable with him watching porn. They never made out, never did anything.Anyway, after trying to persuade me for months, I finally slept with him. It felt amazing. He was sweet, affectionate, tender. He was so gentle and loving I felt like for that night, I had him by the heart.So we are good friends who slept with each other. I wish he could see how perfect I am for him. I really understand him more than his gf does. I don't understand why he's with her. I never heard him tell me he loved her. It was always 'i pity her'. And he'd get jealous of other guys who wants to get close to me.I don't know who I am to him. Is he using me? Why can't he just dump her and be with me since I know him better than his gf does and we are equals when it comes to sex? I feel so horrible because I love him and it hurts me when I see him with his gf. All i am to him is his best friend. It's not fair. I don't know what to do. The longer I stay being his friends, the sadder I get. I want so much to support him and be there for him, but not as a mere friend. I know I'm more than that, but I can't get him to admit that I am. His gf knows about our relationship, and she doesn't like me. She thinks we have something going on.Please help. I'm so miserable.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (4 January 2007):
 Honey, he's manipulating you and playing with you like you are a toy. A best friend does not treat a fellow best friend like this. Why would you want a relationship with someone like this... sure you may have a lot in common and you share 'everything' except for mutual respect. If this relationship were worth persuing, he would have left that gf that he pities so much, so he can stand next to someone he is proud of. He hasn't done that.... which should speak volumes to you. Run from this guy as fast as you can, and don't look back.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2007): Tell him to sod off, he is after one thing and one thing only. The sad truth is he probably said all that garbage to get you into bed. Forget about him, find someone who wants to be with you and you only.
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A
female
reader, vina_101  +, writes (4 January 2007):
 Cut him off, stop talking to him. He used you and he is taking advantage of you because he knows that you have feelings for him. You may be good friends but he does not have your best iterests at heart. Please move on from him especially since he has a girlfriend. It's not fair on you, you deserve so much better. There must be loads of other guys you can get with. Forget about this guy he's no good for you.
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