A
female
age
36-40,
*enada846
writes:I just got out of a break up was six months with the guy and he was just plain mean. I did everything and was always understanding and in the end he broke up without giving me a reason with my clothes still at his house.Prior to this relationship I was only in a verbally abusive relationship for 6 years it ended when I was 25 - I am now 30 and I feel I am going crazyI spend the last four years hanging out with the wrong friends and chasing men- I dont know to how many bars we've been or social events to try to find someoneI even tried dating online and that didn't work- my fear of ending up alone landed me in this mans arms who was super charming and then dropped after six months when I asked to see him more than once a week.Im so upset I feel like the was the straw that broke the camels back- im turning 30 in three months. I'm smart I hold two degrees but see the attraction men find in me- the guy I was in a relationship was a mechanic- I cooked for him - I put up with his friends being over all the time in our date nights and he still left for no reason. I'm so hurt- I can't find a way to fill the voidI feel so alone and I don't know what the solution is anymore- please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2016): Create a social-life for yourself that isn't always about chasing a man. You can't live your life constantly on a manhunt. You also have to avoid allowing desperation to supersede your better judgement. Work on just making good friends and self-improvement. Join a local gym or yoga class. Take a gourmet cooking class, or join a professional's adventurer's group, or a travel-club.
Sometimes you need to occupy your idle time with interesting and fun things to do, and you'll run into interesting people in the process. You need friends. Just having a boyfriend is not enough in your life. You'll center your life all around him; and become so dependent on him, you'll smother him out of your life. That's why most relationships abruptly end. One person feels trapped or smothered, or just can't be your everything.
You'll make a variety of friends and meet very interesting men by expanding your social activities; and by including self-improvement. Go to galleries, concerts, and book-signings. There's more to life than bars and nightclubs. There's travel, culture, theater, and the arts!
You'll be focused on more than loneliness, you'll have fun. It'll get you out of your house and out of your head. It will gain you enlightenment and enhance your social-skills.
Which makes you a more attractive and desirable prospect for dating. It also widens your options in male-types and exposes you to fun and interesting people you just don't normally meet. Don't forget to do volunteer and charity work. Good things comeback to those who give.
How do I know all this? Because I've been there, and I do that! Always be a work in progress. You'll find others doing exactly the same! You'll be so busy, you'll forget what loneliness is! You can't be a homebody clinging to a man and letting life pass you by! The man you deserve will come your way, when the time is right. Not always on immediate demand. So use the time to your advantage.
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